Tradeoffs.

Recently I've been thinking that when eldercare collapsed around me in the area that I live in now and I decided to just not try again for anything different, I made a very conscious decision to have time to pursue all the stuff that I want to do, outside of my dayjob.

My thinking was that a job search can be draining and just isn't worth the time and effort, especially if there's no obvious possibilities and no certain payoff on any sort of foreseeable timeline, and I'm already highly qualified for any number of jobs, so why not have the time, and maybe I'd luck into something from tentatively nosing around, and even if I didn't, I'd rather have the time.

And, I've had the time, and I've done great things with it -- even greater than I expected! -- but I guess somehow I had this hope all this while that something else would come my way, when it hasn't.

It really does bother me on some level, that I just don't have a recognizable profession.

It really makes no sense to anyone, and yet no-one can show me a worthwhile and doable direction or opportunity fitting into my fairly broad parameters (fair enough workplace, at least 50% active and interacting with other people, a morally neutral or "does good in the world" industry, something I can get into *now* or with fair enough certitude, without any huge investment of money or time).