Odd boyfriends.

The other week my one lawyer friend from Missouri was talking about how her best boyfriends have always been a little odd.

"Like the one who kept a spreadsheet of all the times he flossed," she was like.

"He did it that infrequently?", I was like.

"No," she was like, "Usually about two times a day."

BUGS BUGS BUGS BUGS BUGS.

Like a week ago in my new apartment something scurried across my braided IKEA rug and I stomped it - a silverfish!

The other night I turned on the light in the bathroom in my new apartment and as I was flossing before bed, something scurried out from beneath the cabinet - a silverfish!

Phone problems.

The outside display screen on my (relatively) new cell phone is cracked, so I can't see who's calling when the phone rings and decide to pick it up or not.

Also, I can't pick up my phone and just read the time, I have to open it up.

Also also, for some reason, the alarm clock goes off at random times (just like my old Nokia!), and for some reason I once was able to set a custom color for the back display, but it changed and now I can't find that setting again, and for some reason the alarm goes off about every other time I get a text message, and I don't know why, nor do I know how to change it!

Addendum.

Forgot about krunk karaoke -

Lady Red's second song was that one 4 Non Blondes song "What's Going On" (not the Marvin Gaye!). She didn't know all the "oooooooh"s (she even kind of sang, "I don't know this part" when the karaoke screen had nothing but the syllable "oooooh" displayed on it forever) and the younger (black) guys next to us had never heard the song, but I was surprised that I kind of knew the song and could sing along without knowing the words - just like (black) people can do for (black) songs!

"I wonder if she's singing white songs in honor of our return," I asked my one white friend from Mississippi.

"Probably," he said with a laugh.

Return to krunk...

I had a late day at school (late afternoon meeting with a prof, early evening lecture), so I met some people at 10pm for krunk.

Overall, the whole evening was like a triumphal return to my old neighborhood. I had to stop by the local pharmacy and the (black) cashier who I've seen in their before was like, "Good evening, so how you been?", and I popped into that weird produce store in my old building to say hi to the student cashier who works late nights (it's right on the way to krunk, people there are very nice).

At the door to krunk, I held out my ID to the (tall) (very black) doorman who I know by sight but have never really talked to, but he gave me a look and waved it away, and as I walked in, called out from behind me, "Hit the mike, brother."

My friends weren't there yet, so I sat down at the bar and got a beer, and Lady Red opened up with (!) the Beastie Boys's "Paul Revere", which was the first time I'd ever heard her do a (white) song. She did okay at it - nothing bad, but nothing too great either.

Right after that, my friends came, and we chatted a bit, and then I went to go get a songbook while they got themselves set up with beers.

I hadn't seen Lady Red in a while, and so we gave each other quick hug when I went to go get the song book. She asked me if I was on Facebook (she must have noticed I haven't friended her!), and I told her that I didn't do that shit for professional reasons (too odd with students wanting to friend you), though it seems fun. She said she does it for work, but it's also fun to catch up on where people are, like the popular people from high school.

"Yeah," I was like, "You can see who got all fat, and be like, 'And I blossomed!'"

"Uh huh," she was like, "And then you can see who has like 6, 7, 8, 9, 11 kids."

I laughed, and she was like, "You so crazy."

After that, my one (white) friend from Mississippi put in some country song (!) - he must be resigned to the fact that he'll never be a star at krunk - and people laughed because it was all about losing someone and being lonesome, and there was appreciative applause, but nothing huge...

While he was singing it, a younger (black) guy at the bar asked me if it was Johnny Cash, and I shrugged and told him that I don't know, it wasn't my kind of music, and probably the only person who knows the song was my friend, but then he pointed across the bar to some random old (white) guy who was sitting there and was like, "You know this song?", and the guy smiled and nodded, so the (black) guy was like, "See?".

Then, after the song when there was a drop in the noise, he said loudly, "Is that Conway Twitty?", and the way he said it, you could tell that he thought Conway Twitty was a ridiculous-sounding name.

There weren't many people there and the night was kind of slow, but I had unfortunately planned on M.I.A.'s "Paper Planes", which was a little too up-tempo for the mood, and I realized that I should have done Rihanna's "Umbrella", but I didn't know the opening rap by Jay-Z.

"I bet Lady Red knows it," my one (white) friend from Mississippi was like, so I went up and asked her when I turned in my slip.

"Uh hun," she was like, and nodded like it was a stupid question.

So, when I got called up, I started doing the "uh huh/ uh huh" part when the songs starts off right away and she laughed, and was like, "It's Jay-Z who does that!", but she let me do it, and then did the rap when it got to the words.

From the moment the song started, people were intrigued because they of course knew what it was. After Lady Red's rap, I couldn't find the melody on the 1st verse, but I got the chorus, and then I got right with the melody for the rest of the verses. I nailed the bridge verse and even built it, but for some reason I got off a bit on rhythm when the song went back into the verse.

But, people liked it, and I got a few high fives.

"Alcohol is a marvelous thing!", the one Conway Twitty-mentioning younger (black) guy said during a lull.

Some younger (black) guys to the right of me were saying that they should go sing, and I told them that they should, that as long as you tried your best and weren't a jackass, people were nice and appreciative.

"Easy for you to say," the one was like, "You got nothing to worry about, you nailed that song."

(I don't think he knew the song all that well.)

Later in the night, though, the tempo picked up a little bit and since there weren't many people singing, I did put in M.I.A.'s "Paper Planes", and that was a song I nailed. I did it in a sing-songy voice and even did the gunfire- and pulling-the-handle-of-the-cash-register motions, and people liked it and did the motions too and kept singing "swagga like ours", though I felt odd being (white) and doing a song like that in front of (black) people.

Also, there seems to be a local (black) custom of saying "pop pop pop" along with the gunfire in the song (including in the background of the verse, which I hadn't even noticed before that night), and I think it's because local (black) onomatopoiea (sp?) for a gunshot is "pop", like when you see someone on the news describing a shooting and they say what they heard.

I also found that disturbing.

Later, when we all left, I said bye to Lady Red and she said to come back next week, and I also said by to a few younger (black) women ("LaLa" and "BeBe") who I've seen in there before...

LaLa had done some awesome usually-sung-by-men raps, and BeBe had really worked every verse of Beyonce's "If I Were a Boy" and didn't get the applause she deserved, and she lit up when I told her I appreciated how she shaped every part of the song so all the little differences and emotional nuances in the lyrics came through.

When I got home, it was almost 2am, and like always, I couldn't believe it was a Monday.

Like I sometimes tell people, "Monday is the new Friday."

Met a Greek person.

The other day I met a Greek student who's doing a degree in finance. Like always, I know how to make international friends quickly...

He was upset about some $100 parking ticket he got (he parked too close to a fire hydrant), and when I told him to think long-term, and that once he's out with his finance degree, $100 will be nothing, he said that that would be true, but he'll be working for the government, and salaries are very low.

"And that's if they tell you the truth about how much they're paying you," I was like.

He didn't laugh, and then I asked him more, and found out that the Greek government was actually paying for him to get this degree (he was a little older, maybe early 30s, and I just assumed he was an MBA guy).

"No way!", I was like. "Do they make you take a class in lying?"

After that, he was like, "Look at me, I'm not laughing," and he explained that it wasn't funny, that the Germans hate his nation, and I told him that that's okay, that Greece would find new friends, and that if the Euro declines a lot against the dollar because of them, that maybe those friends would be Americans.

Overall, he actually wasn't pissed off by my jokes, though he didn't find them funny. He was just really touchy about the behavior of the Greek government.

Stories of my new neighborhood (5 of 5): Bugs.

The other day in the morning I lifted up a dish in my sink in my apartment, and there was this small, slow-moving bug that almost looks like a pill-bug, but doesn't roll up, crawling beneath it.

Then, like a week or two later, I was cleaning my apartment up on a Sat. afternoon, and I found a much smaller version slowly crawling across a tile in my sunroom/dining room.

Stories of my new neighborhood (4 of 4): New neighbor.

Like a week or more ago I was heading downstairs and I headed into another tenant going out, this mid-40s (black) lady with big sunglasses and a White Sox windbreaker on, who smelled a bit like liquor. We chit-chatted, and she had just moved in to, and we introduced ourselves (her name is "Pat").

Like a few days ago, I was coming in the building, and she was coming out of the building with two teenage (black) girls, one of whom was holding this fuzzy chihuahua-looking dog in her hands, and so we said hi, and she introduced me to her daughters.

"And this is Beyonce," the one daughter said, holding out the dog.

"That's odd," I was like, "It doesn't seem like she has a big ass to me!"

"Noooooooo!", the one daughter was like, laughing, "It's because she's a diva."

As they started walking away, Pat asked me if I drank, and when I said I do enjoy a drink on occasion, and why, she was like, "No reason, just wondering," and then we all parted our ways.