The other night I turned on the light in my dining room/study space, and I noticed a blotch in the corner by the stand-up light -
It was a silverfish, like 6 feet off the floor.
I whacked it with a newspaper, and it fell and then shook a little bit on the floor, so I crushed it completely dead.
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Friday, April 29, 2011
Mending bridges with Jesus.
That same night I also tried to mend bridges with Jesus, after he got pissed at me like a month ago for trying to speak Spanish at him all the time.
("How would you like it," he said, "if I went around saying HELLO SIR HELLO SIR, HOW ARE YOU, HOW ARE YOU all the time? I am telling you, you cannot, uh-speak, eh-Spanish!" ... "But I did well enough for you to understand me," I was like." ... That was the same night that after rude service by the bartender this hipster bar that he and the Catalan like, he turned to the Catalan and was like, "?Que polla, eh?", and I was like, "Hey Jesus, did you just call the bartender a dick? Be careful, people can understand you." ... That was also the same night that the Catalan turned to me and was like, "Why are you always saying 'JE-sus', when it is 'Je-SUS'?")
"Hey, how are you doing?", he was like, when he saw me in the bar.
"Good," I was like. "But I thought our friendship was dead" (and I wanted to theatrically add, "or, should I say - muerte" - but I didn't).
After that, we talked a bit about this and that, and I kept making fun of him about getting pissed off at me for speaking Spanish when I was just trying to show hospitality, which he took good-naturedly.
Finally, at the end, I was theatrically and nauseatingly magnanimously like, "And I wonder, Jesus, where has the magic gone? Indeed, I wonder, can we ever again be friends, or, dare I say -" -and at that I stopped for a sec and leaned in confidentially and looked him straight in the eye, seriously - "amigos?".
Right away at that I began laughing maniacally and he grimaced but didn't get on me, so I think we're friends again.
("How would you like it," he said, "if I went around saying HELLO SIR HELLO SIR, HOW ARE YOU, HOW ARE YOU all the time? I am telling you, you cannot, uh-speak, eh-Spanish!" ... "But I did well enough for you to understand me," I was like." ... That was the same night that after rude service by the bartender this hipster bar that he and the Catalan like, he turned to the Catalan and was like, "?Que polla, eh?", and I was like, "Hey Jesus, did you just call the bartender a dick? Be careful, people can understand you." ... That was also the same night that the Catalan turned to me and was like, "Why are you always saying 'JE-sus', when it is 'Je-SUS'?")
"Hey, how are you doing?", he was like, when he saw me in the bar.
"Good," I was like. "But I thought our friendship was dead" (and I wanted to theatrically add, "or, should I say - muerte" - but I didn't).
After that, we talked a bit about this and that, and I kept making fun of him about getting pissed off at me for speaking Spanish when I was just trying to show hospitality, which he took good-naturedly.
Finally, at the end, I was theatrically and nauseatingly magnanimously like, "And I wonder, Jesus, where has the magic gone? Indeed, I wonder, can we ever again be friends, or, dare I say -" -and at that I stopped for a sec and leaned in confidentially and looked him straight in the eye, seriously - "amigos?".
Right away at that I began laughing maniacally and he grimaced but didn't get on me, so I think we're friends again.
Thursday, April 28, 2011
The Catalan says I'm fat.
The other weekend at a bar (the band of my one [white] friend from Mississippi was debuting) I saw the Catalan and Jesus...
My sweater made me look fat, so the Catalan was like, "Hey man, look at you, you are getting fat," and he poked at the love handles that were spilling out over the top of my jeans and accentuated by my sweater.
"Eh," I was like, and I explained to him that it was odd, because of weightlifting my upper body and legs looked good, but my stomach muscles pushed my fat out and made me look oddly chubby.
"That is why I do not lift," he was like, and he pulled up the short sleeve of his t-shirt to show how he had no muscle tone.
"Yeah, but you still got this," I was like, and I smacked his bit of a paunch with the back of my hand, only slightly harder than I meant to, and you could tell he was pissed.
"Sorry!", I was like, "I was joking, I didn't mean to hit you that hard... Don't get in a fight with me, I'd never be able to live with myself if we got in some stupid fight and because of it you were deported."
"You would not be in that situation," the Catalan was like, "Because I would kill you first."
My sweater made me look fat, so the Catalan was like, "Hey man, look at you, you are getting fat," and he poked at the love handles that were spilling out over the top of my jeans and accentuated by my sweater.
"Eh," I was like, and I explained to him that it was odd, because of weightlifting my upper body and legs looked good, but my stomach muscles pushed my fat out and made me look oddly chubby.
"That is why I do not lift," he was like, and he pulled up the short sleeve of his t-shirt to show how he had no muscle tone.
"Yeah, but you still got this," I was like, and I smacked his bit of a paunch with the back of my hand, only slightly harder than I meant to, and you could tell he was pissed.
"Sorry!", I was like, "I was joking, I didn't mean to hit you that hard... Don't get in a fight with me, I'd never be able to live with myself if we got in some stupid fight and because of it you were deported."
"You would not be in that situation," the Catalan was like, "Because I would kill you first."
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
You know what I keep thinking about?
I should buy free-range eggs. I eat about 8-10 eggs a week, and a ton of chickens probably suffer because of me.
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Bar #53 or #54 awfulness (2 of 2): Bar Staff.
So you know what else sucked about the bar? The staff:
1) Though it was an open space going to the back of the bar, the (white) guy at the door said the "science cafe" had been full going on 15 minutes and we could enjoy the bar, but not the cafe (we went back and waited, and a table freed up, so we snagged it).
2) They had a tray out of coldcuts and cheese that we enjoyed, and then they had pizza ordered in, and after everyone got some and I went up to go get a piece for my one lawyer friend from Missouri, the (white) bar guy near the pizza asked me if we had a ticket, then turned me away "until everyone else got some first" (? - which they had; and I guess there were free food tickets the guy distributed at the door?).
3) It was "dollar off Belgian drafts" night, and I ordered this (Dutch) beer that was listed on the large Belgian drafts chalkboard but in the laminated description menu was noted to be from the Netherlands. This (white) (male) bartender had got me my drink and then a 2nd (white) (male) one came up and asked me if I needed anything, and when I said a glass of water would be nice, he pointed to a cooler in the corner of the room next to a stack of plastic cups, which I hadn't noticed... Then, after the other guy dropped off my (Dutch, but listed on the "Belgian drafts" board) beer, I noticed he hadn't given me a $1 off, so I asked the 2nd (white) (male) bartender who was there if it was $1 off Belgian drafts night, and when he confirmed that it was, I asked him why I hadn't gotten a dollar off my beer, and when he said it was because it was Dutch, I was like, "But it's listed on the Belgian drafts board," and then I asked if I could have my dollar because it was there mistake (or something like that), the guy's face just turns into this big sneer and he spits out at me, "No, but you can go get some water now!", and he holds out his finger and pointed at the cooler to dismiss me (and I wasn't even hammered).
Hipster bars are the uncoolest places ever!
1) Though it was an open space going to the back of the bar, the (white) guy at the door said the "science cafe" had been full going on 15 minutes and we could enjoy the bar, but not the cafe (we went back and waited, and a table freed up, so we snagged it).
2) They had a tray out of coldcuts and cheese that we enjoyed, and then they had pizza ordered in, and after everyone got some and I went up to go get a piece for my one lawyer friend from Missouri, the (white) bar guy near the pizza asked me if we had a ticket, then turned me away "until everyone else got some first" (? - which they had; and I guess there were free food tickets the guy distributed at the door?).
3) It was "dollar off Belgian drafts" night, and I ordered this (Dutch) beer that was listed on the large Belgian drafts chalkboard but in the laminated description menu was noted to be from the Netherlands. This (white) (male) bartender had got me my drink and then a 2nd (white) (male) one came up and asked me if I needed anything, and when I said a glass of water would be nice, he pointed to a cooler in the corner of the room next to a stack of plastic cups, which I hadn't noticed... Then, after the other guy dropped off my (Dutch, but listed on the "Belgian drafts" board) beer, I noticed he hadn't given me a $1 off, so I asked the 2nd (white) (male) bartender who was there if it was $1 off Belgian drafts night, and when he confirmed that it was, I asked him why I hadn't gotten a dollar off my beer, and when he said it was because it was Dutch, I was like, "But it's listed on the Belgian drafts board," and then I asked if I could have my dollar because it was there mistake (or something like that), the guy's face just turns into this big sneer and he spits out at me, "No, but you can go get some water now!", and he holds out his finger and pointed at the cooler to dismiss me (and I wasn't even hammered).
Hipster bars are the uncoolest places ever!
Monday, April 25, 2011
Bar #53 or #54 awfulness (1 of 2): Physicists.
So my one friend with the cat invited me to this "science cafe" bar event where an educated person gives a very short lecture and then takes Q&A from the audience for a while, and when another friend who runs a similar type lecture-event couldn't come, she asked me to talk it up.
So, when I got there, there was some awfulness with the bar people (which continued throughout the night), but then I hunted down the head of the event, and it was this (white) (mid-40s) physicist out of Fermi Lab with glasses and a collared shirt and (non-dark) jeans.
I explained my friends event and asked if I could make a quick announcement before the event started or after it ended, and the guy was like, "No, I can't endorse anything that I haven't been to" (which he really meant!).
He then said that during Q&A I could raise my hand and then pretend-ask a question to lead into an announcement (which he really meant! - because I'm sure my violating social conventions like that would make friends and bring people to my friend's event).
Physicists are out-to-lunch socially...
My one lawyer friend from Missouri, who also was at the event, said I should have identified myself as a ph.d. student, but I said that if his knowing I had a degree made me treat him better, I didn't want to talk to him.
I had also mentioned that the co-host of the one event that my friend had asked me to promote was also by a guy out of Fermi Lab, and when the physicist asked who it was and I couldn't identify him, he seemed not to take me seriously.
Much later, my one lawyer friend from Missouri noted out of the blue when that guy stood up to close the event how pompous he seemed, and then when he thanked everyone and (obliviously) noted how there had been a lot of nice questions "from the fifth-grade level through more advanced questions", she was like, "See, look how pompous he is, 'fifth-grade level'."
And the guy didn't even realize it.
And when I was leaving, he was like, "Hey, you didn't ask your question!", but I told him I'd just go around table-to-table then to personally talk, which I spur-of-the-moment decided to do, and I talked with about 15-16 people, of whom like 10 seemed interested.
So, when I got there, there was some awfulness with the bar people (which continued throughout the night), but then I hunted down the head of the event, and it was this (white) (mid-40s) physicist out of Fermi Lab with glasses and a collared shirt and (non-dark) jeans.
I explained my friends event and asked if I could make a quick announcement before the event started or after it ended, and the guy was like, "No, I can't endorse anything that I haven't been to" (which he really meant!).
He then said that during Q&A I could raise my hand and then pretend-ask a question to lead into an announcement (which he really meant! - because I'm sure my violating social conventions like that would make friends and bring people to my friend's event).
Physicists are out-to-lunch socially...
My one lawyer friend from Missouri, who also was at the event, said I should have identified myself as a ph.d. student, but I said that if his knowing I had a degree made me treat him better, I didn't want to talk to him.
I had also mentioned that the co-host of the one event that my friend had asked me to promote was also by a guy out of Fermi Lab, and when the physicist asked who it was and I couldn't identify him, he seemed not to take me seriously.
Much later, my one lawyer friend from Missouri noted out of the blue when that guy stood up to close the event how pompous he seemed, and then when he thanked everyone and (obliviously) noted how there had been a lot of nice questions "from the fifth-grade level through more advanced questions", she was like, "See, look how pompous he is, 'fifth-grade level'."
And the guy didn't even realize it.
And when I was leaving, he was like, "Hey, you didn't ask your question!", but I told him I'd just go around table-to-table then to personally talk, which I spur-of-the-moment decided to do, and I talked with about 15-16 people, of whom like 10 seemed interested.
Sunday, April 24, 2011
...you know what I'm discovering?...
So many people I talk to who I tell about my bar project have a list of bars in their head that they've always wanted to stop in to, or stop in to when they can to see what they're like.
The other week I hit a definitional problem: a restaurant with a bar in it adjoined to a sportsbar with an upstairs bar, and all file the same taxes. I had thought through whether a multispace bar counts, but when I was at the sportsbar and asked a patron, they pointed out that the spaces have separate hours posted, and so subtly differ and should count as separate. I concurred, and then headed upstairs.
The other week I hit a definitional problem: a restaurant with a bar in it adjoined to a sportsbar with an upstairs bar, and all file the same taxes. I had thought through whether a multispace bar counts, but when I was at the sportsbar and asked a patron, they pointed out that the spaces have separate hours posted, and so subtly differ and should count as separate. I concurred, and then headed upstairs.
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