I forgot -
I saw my one neighbor who I volunteered in Indiana with for Obama in the produce store downstairs in our building after getting back from the sex survey, and since I had texted her to tell her I was going to do it -- I thought she'd be interested, and she was! -- she was asking me about what it was like, what videos I watched, etc.
Anyhow, when I told her about the couple lesbian videos, she was like, "To tell you the truth, I don't get lesbian sex. What's so exciting about it? There just doesn't seem to be much to it, to me at least," being very deferential and sensitive like she always is, since she's a human rights lawyer-in-training and tries to be like that.
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Friday, May 22, 2009
Sex survey!
So, I did a sex survey on Wednesday night. My friend the swinger guy had told the audience about it at the last movie night - he had done it! - and both me and Steve the BDSM guy got the info from him about taking a preliminary survey.
The prelim survey was straightforward and was mostly about if you had metal shit in your body since the 2nd half of the survey (which I haven't taken yet) involves an MRI.
The online survey you got after the prelim cleared you and the scientists had contacted you and arranged a time for your 1st session took like an hour to complete, and since the whole survey is trying to figure out arousal rates in males and how this correponds to heterosexuality/homosexuality/bisexuality, they were asking about who were you sexually/romantically/emotionally attracted or attached to in different parts of your life, as well as what sexual acts you found erotic or disgusting on a scale of 1 to 7 (e.g. "placing your finger in a woman's anus", "having a man's penis placed in your mouth", etc., and you could rate this or any act both highly erotic and highly disgusting, if that's the kind of person you are), as well as feelings of self-hatred attaching to any expression of sexuality or use of pornography, as well as what kind of personal characteristics you had, and whether you found it more or less arousing if you were masturbating and someone was likely to come into the room, or if you were having sex in a public place and you knew that someone walking by didn't know that you were there.
Like towards the end of the survey, they had the statment "Eight minus three is four", and you had to agree or disagree with a statement weakly, strongly, etc., and I think this was a plant question to make sure people were paying attention to the survey when they filled it out and not just checking off random boxes because they were tired due to its length.
Anyhow, when I took public transport to the place, I showed up one minute before my scheduled time to the science lab building on the university campus (tried to get there 15 minutes earlier since I'm so punctual but hit some delays, which reinforced why I always try to be punctual), but I found the doors locked, and when I called up to the office #, the guy who answered the door was this short, really gay-looking blonde Austrian dude in his mid-to-late 30s. It turns out that he was a research assitant and not running me that night, but he took me up to his prof, who was a very late 30s/early 40s cleancut white gay dude with brown hair and a big paunch that had his polo shirt drape off it like a table cloth, and who had a nice haircut and stuff but was fat and trying to compensate for it through extroversion and a sense of humor that he did not in fact have.
"Sure you don't want to run him, [Austrian assitant's name]?", the prof was like, and though I felt like there was some sort of weird trading going on, like "I got to run the hot one" -- I was pretty well-dressed since I came straight from school and had dressed well for an important meeting, and I think the Austrian dude noticed -- the Austrian guy refused, since he was tutoring some short Asian science woman in her late 20s, who I assume was another grad student or something.
Anyhow, I had to read through this consent form - possible side effect of the study: "arousal lasting longer than the duration of the study" - and then went out to have the prof get me set up for the experiment, which was basically me putting a mercury-filled rubberband around my dick and then watching porno for an hour before getting sent home with fifty bucks.
Actually, though, it was a little more complicated than that, since I was in an unobserved room and the prof communicated with me by intercom and though he was monitoring my vitals, he did not know which video I was watching at any given time, since a computer randomly ordered the clips (I assume the computer knows and they'll link the facts and my vitals up later).
"You'll be watching a lot today," he was like, "Male, female, gay, straight, and even an em - em - em - ef!"
"What?", I was like.
"Three men and one woman, silly," he was like.
Then, he took me in the room, showed me an armchair that was covered in paper like a doctor's table, and told me how I was going to take my pants and underwear off (but leave my shirt on!) and sit there and spread this other paper cover over my lap (to keep me from touching myself, like sheets with young kids?) and watch the clips and then rate them manually, and that if I was aroused, he would talk to me on the intercom and have me take deep breaths and count backwards in 7s from a 100 till I got back to normal.
He then showed me the mercury-filled rubberband, and told me that I had to open it up with my fingers and then take it to where it was to go on and put it on, and not to roll it on like a condom, since that would mess with the readings.
"And you put it on the shaft of your non-erect penis," he was like, "Midway between its midpoint and the base."
"You mean like a quarter up from the base?", I was like.
"Yes, exactly!", he was like. "You must be one of those people who sees your penis as a quarter full."
So, he left, and the intercom started up, and he had me sit down and watch a nature video (seasons changing, etc.) to get a base read on my arousal rate.
At the end of it, he came on the intercom and was like, "Now you write how arousing it was. Any questions?"
"Yeah," I was like, "You mean the video, or how aroused I was during the video?, because towards the end I got kind of bored and I started thinking about that 3 men banging one woman thing."
"Just the video," he was like.
So, I rated that, and then all of a sudden I realized I didn't have the paper cover on my lap, and so though I wasn't supposed to move around too much -- I first considered not having it on during the entire study, but then crinkling it up towards the end like I had used it -- I reached over and put it on right before the 1st video started, two white women 69ing (if you can call finger-fucking in that position 69ing).
I watched it for a bit, and then they did a close up, and the main woman doing all the clitoral stimulation had on these big white press-on nails, and so I kept thinking to myself that she must be an actress and not really some lesbian.
After that, it was 2 guys fucking, and then I think a couple, and then a guy-on-guy oral sex pic where it was a schoolroom with "TODAY'S LESSON - SEX ED" on the board and the teacher blew the student and then the student the teacher, and somewhere in the middle was the MMMF 4some, where this Mexican woman was being lying on top of a guy whose face you never saw as he penetrated her from behind, while this Latin guy was fucking this earringed young white guy doggie-style, and every once in a while the earringed young white guy would put his head down and lick at the Mexican woman a bit.
"Oy oy oy," she was like all the time as she was bounced up and down, and then later she was like, "Yesu, Yesu!"
Then, she reached over and slapped the cheek of the Latin guy who was fucking the earringed young white dude, and in return he reached over and slapped her cheek, playfully.
When there was only one sex video left, I went through a list in my mind, and I knew it was heterosexual female-on-male oral sex (they never did male-on-female oral sex!), and it turned out I was right.
As it turned out, all of the videos, too, were of whites, with only those two latins (Mexicans both?), maybe because people have strong reactions pro or con to blacks and Asians?
Anyhow, the last nature video where they checked your arousal rate again at the end was a snowy Asian landscape video, and when towards the end they cut to a snow monkey in a hot spring, I half-expected it to start masturbating or something, or at least find another monkey to bang, though it didn't, it just sat there kind of bored like in a jacuzzi or something.
What was interesting is that after some videos the guy intercommed me to count down from a 100, after another one he was like, "Okay, now count down from 500," and for a few others he was like, "Just take a couple deep breaths."
After it was over, I got up - the paper stuck to my ass at first - took off the mercury-filled rubberband, put my pants on, and then went out to the lobby, where the prof met me, and gave me $50 and sent me on my way and told me he'd call me about the MRI.
I love it now, whenever I tell this story, I summarize it that "I put a mercury-filled rubberband on my cock and got to watch porn for an hour, then they gave me fifty bucks and sent me home," though sometimes I edit it and say they took my pulse, though in either case, I always add at the end, "For science, of course."
The prelim survey was straightforward and was mostly about if you had metal shit in your body since the 2nd half of the survey (which I haven't taken yet) involves an MRI.
The online survey you got after the prelim cleared you and the scientists had contacted you and arranged a time for your 1st session took like an hour to complete, and since the whole survey is trying to figure out arousal rates in males and how this correponds to heterosexuality/homosexuality/bisexuality, they were asking about who were you sexually/romantically/emotionally attracted or attached to in different parts of your life, as well as what sexual acts you found erotic or disgusting on a scale of 1 to 7 (e.g. "placing your finger in a woman's anus", "having a man's penis placed in your mouth", etc., and you could rate this or any act both highly erotic and highly disgusting, if that's the kind of person you are), as well as feelings of self-hatred attaching to any expression of sexuality or use of pornography, as well as what kind of personal characteristics you had, and whether you found it more or less arousing if you were masturbating and someone was likely to come into the room, or if you were having sex in a public place and you knew that someone walking by didn't know that you were there.
Like towards the end of the survey, they had the statment "Eight minus three is four", and you had to agree or disagree with a statement weakly, strongly, etc., and I think this was a plant question to make sure people were paying attention to the survey when they filled it out and not just checking off random boxes because they were tired due to its length.
Anyhow, when I took public transport to the place, I showed up one minute before my scheduled time to the science lab building on the university campus (tried to get there 15 minutes earlier since I'm so punctual but hit some delays, which reinforced why I always try to be punctual), but I found the doors locked, and when I called up to the office #, the guy who answered the door was this short, really gay-looking blonde Austrian dude in his mid-to-late 30s. It turns out that he was a research assitant and not running me that night, but he took me up to his prof, who was a very late 30s/early 40s cleancut white gay dude with brown hair and a big paunch that had his polo shirt drape off it like a table cloth, and who had a nice haircut and stuff but was fat and trying to compensate for it through extroversion and a sense of humor that he did not in fact have.
"Sure you don't want to run him, [Austrian assitant's name]?", the prof was like, and though I felt like there was some sort of weird trading going on, like "I got to run the hot one" -- I was pretty well-dressed since I came straight from school and had dressed well for an important meeting, and I think the Austrian dude noticed -- the Austrian guy refused, since he was tutoring some short Asian science woman in her late 20s, who I assume was another grad student or something.
Anyhow, I had to read through this consent form - possible side effect of the study: "arousal lasting longer than the duration of the study" - and then went out to have the prof get me set up for the experiment, which was basically me putting a mercury-filled rubberband around my dick and then watching porno for an hour before getting sent home with fifty bucks.
Actually, though, it was a little more complicated than that, since I was in an unobserved room and the prof communicated with me by intercom and though he was monitoring my vitals, he did not know which video I was watching at any given time, since a computer randomly ordered the clips (I assume the computer knows and they'll link the facts and my vitals up later).
"You'll be watching a lot today," he was like, "Male, female, gay, straight, and even an em - em - em - ef!"
"What?", I was like.
"Three men and one woman, silly," he was like.
Then, he took me in the room, showed me an armchair that was covered in paper like a doctor's table, and told me how I was going to take my pants and underwear off (but leave my shirt on!) and sit there and spread this other paper cover over my lap (to keep me from touching myself, like sheets with young kids?) and watch the clips and then rate them manually, and that if I was aroused, he would talk to me on the intercom and have me take deep breaths and count backwards in 7s from a 100 till I got back to normal.
He then showed me the mercury-filled rubberband, and told me that I had to open it up with my fingers and then take it to where it was to go on and put it on, and not to roll it on like a condom, since that would mess with the readings.
"And you put it on the shaft of your non-erect penis," he was like, "Midway between its midpoint and the base."
"You mean like a quarter up from the base?", I was like.
"Yes, exactly!", he was like. "You must be one of those people who sees your penis as a quarter full."
So, he left, and the intercom started up, and he had me sit down and watch a nature video (seasons changing, etc.) to get a base read on my arousal rate.
At the end of it, he came on the intercom and was like, "Now you write how arousing it was. Any questions?"
"Yeah," I was like, "You mean the video, or how aroused I was during the video?, because towards the end I got kind of bored and I started thinking about that 3 men banging one woman thing."
"Just the video," he was like.
So, I rated that, and then all of a sudden I realized I didn't have the paper cover on my lap, and so though I wasn't supposed to move around too much -- I first considered not having it on during the entire study, but then crinkling it up towards the end like I had used it -- I reached over and put it on right before the 1st video started, two white women 69ing (if you can call finger-fucking in that position 69ing).
I watched it for a bit, and then they did a close up, and the main woman doing all the clitoral stimulation had on these big white press-on nails, and so I kept thinking to myself that she must be an actress and not really some lesbian.
After that, it was 2 guys fucking, and then I think a couple, and then a guy-on-guy oral sex pic where it was a schoolroom with "TODAY'S LESSON - SEX ED" on the board and the teacher blew the student and then the student the teacher, and somewhere in the middle was the MMMF 4some, where this Mexican woman was being lying on top of a guy whose face you never saw as he penetrated her from behind, while this Latin guy was fucking this earringed young white guy doggie-style, and every once in a while the earringed young white guy would put his head down and lick at the Mexican woman a bit.
"Oy oy oy," she was like all the time as she was bounced up and down, and then later she was like, "Yesu, Yesu!"
Then, she reached over and slapped the cheek of the Latin guy who was fucking the earringed young white dude, and in return he reached over and slapped her cheek, playfully.
When there was only one sex video left, I went through a list in my mind, and I knew it was heterosexual female-on-male oral sex (they never did male-on-female oral sex!), and it turned out I was right.
As it turned out, all of the videos, too, were of whites, with only those two latins (Mexicans both?), maybe because people have strong reactions pro or con to blacks and Asians?
Anyhow, the last nature video where they checked your arousal rate again at the end was a snowy Asian landscape video, and when towards the end they cut to a snow monkey in a hot spring, I half-expected it to start masturbating or something, or at least find another monkey to bang, though it didn't, it just sat there kind of bored like in a jacuzzi or something.
What was interesting is that after some videos the guy intercommed me to count down from a 100, after another one he was like, "Okay, now count down from 500," and for a few others he was like, "Just take a couple deep breaths."
After it was over, I got up - the paper stuck to my ass at first - took off the mercury-filled rubberband, put my pants on, and then went out to the lobby, where the prof met me, and gave me $50 and sent me on my way and told me he'd call me about the MRI.
I love it now, whenever I tell this story, I summarize it that "I put a mercury-filled rubberband on my cock and got to watch porn for an hour, then they gave me fifty bucks and sent me home," though sometimes I edit it and say they took my pulse, though in either case, I always add at the end, "For science, of course."
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Hummus / Toaster.
Yesterday I made up some more hummus, which fortunately turned out normal.
Also, when I was toasting toast a couple days ago, my toaster miraculously started working again. Yesterday evening I had to put the toast down a couple times, but eventually it stuck again until it popped up the toast, toasted.
Also, when I was toasting toast a couple days ago, my toaster miraculously started working again. Yesterday evening I had to put the toast down a couple times, but eventually it stuck again until it popped up the toast, toasted.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
How fucked up.
The other morning when I was translating the martyrs of Lyons and Vienne, I got to the part about the woman and the 15-year old slave boy being tortured, and all of a sudden I felt really bad for them, even though they've been dead for over 1500 years, and I was thinking how stupid the whole thing was that they were put to death, and the whole thing was very vivid for me all of a sudden.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Got my haircut today.
Tennille was asking if I saw Levi and Bristol on the Tyra Banks show. She says that she feels bad for Levi, since he's young and trying to be a good father, and she was wondering if the Palins are trying to keep him away from the baby because maybe he's not the father.
Blanket.
Since I bought this cheap tupperware container in addition to my regular one for all that sangria I made, but the top of the container was cheap and likely to spill, on Saturday I put wrapped both containers in my beach towel before putting them in my backpack to minimize spillage.
As it turns out, the lid was so bad, I did get spillage, and my towel was soaked, and though I aired it at the bbq, it was crusty and smelled like sangria, so that night when I took a shower and my drain backed up as usual, I laid my towel down in the water to soak and maybe loosen up some of the sangria stains, and then when I got up the next day, I wrung it out and hung it over the shower rod to dry out further.
Anyhow, Sun. night when I went to take a shower, I noticed there was this big red wine stain down the middle of the tub where the towel had sat.
As it turns out, the lid was so bad, I did get spillage, and my towel was soaked, and though I aired it at the bbq, it was crusty and smelled like sangria, so that night when I took a shower and my drain backed up as usual, I laid my towel down in the water to soak and maybe loosen up some of the sangria stains, and then when I got up the next day, I wrung it out and hung it over the shower rod to dry out further.
Anyhow, Sun. night when I went to take a shower, I noticed there was this big red wine stain down the middle of the tub where the towel had sat.
Monday, May 18, 2009
A fruit punch story.
So, when I was going around pushing my 5 liters of sangria on everyone at the barbecue on Sat., my one Dutch friend's hippie neighbor was like "thanks but no thanks", and then added that ever since she welcomed in the millennium in Portland with 4 days of LSD punch, which was good to do once but never again, she's been wary of any kind of fruit punch whatsoever.
At that, someone else in the conversation said that she was interested in hallucinogens once, but not ever since a friend told her that the first time she tried mushrooms she went to go sit down on a couch and it winked at her, so she didn't.
The girl at the bbq who was telling the story was then like, "That's nuts, I'm never doing that... Even now I always see her look at couches suspiciously before she sits down."
At that, someone else in the conversation said that she was interested in hallucinogens once, but not ever since a friend told her that the first time she tried mushrooms she went to go sit down on a couch and it winked at her, so she didn't.
The girl at the bbq who was telling the story was then like, "That's nuts, I'm never doing that... Even now I always see her look at couches suspiciously before she sits down."
Sunday, May 17, 2009
3 things...
1) The other night when I took a shower, a piece of that one silverfish's torso was still floating around in the tub as the water backed up.
2) The other night when I was whipping up 5 liters of sangria, a grape I was slicing fell on the floor, and I picked it up and ate it, only to discover dried toast crumbs and a hair had stuck to it.
3) I hate to make fun of non-native speakers of English, but sometimes they accidentally come up with really cool phrases when they try to use slang or figurative language and slaughter it. For example, when I was chit-chatting with this one Spanish guy I know the other day and mentioned I was tired from running into people on the bus when I was coming back down and going drinking with them till past 2am on a weeknight, he was like, "Oh, animal party?"
2) The other night when I was whipping up 5 liters of sangria, a grape I was slicing fell on the floor, and I picked it up and ate it, only to discover dried toast crumbs and a hair had stuck to it.
3) I hate to make fun of non-native speakers of English, but sometimes they accidentally come up with really cool phrases when they try to use slang or figurative language and slaughter it. For example, when I was chit-chatting with this one Spanish guy I know the other day and mentioned I was tired from running into people on the bus when I was coming back down and going drinking with them till past 2am on a weeknight, he was like, "Oh, animal party?"
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