Bad professional timing.

I don't like to think about it, but I've really had bad professional timing for practically all of my adult life:

1) In college, internships were becoming mandatory, but paid internships weren't yet a thing and so you couldn't afford them unless your family could.

(The work-around then was trying for a handful of national fellowships to fund your internship -- good luck with that.)

2) When I chose between law school and graduate school -- I had actually taken the LSAT -- I decided to go for graduate school if I could get my MA funded, and then after that, I decided to only do a Ph.D. if it was at a top program, because otherwise chances weren't good enough, however:

a) My Ph.D. became very dysfunctional *when* I was there, unnecessarily prolonging degree completion to just an insane degree, even as expenses drastically leapt up in the city that I used to live in;

b) At the time of embarking on that path, you'd have been dumb to plan on an academic job -- that was too uncertain even then -- but there were a number of "off-ramps" to attractive enough industries (academic admin, certain writing teaching jobs, non-profits, editing), but those worsened as possible "Plans B, C, D, E, and F" *while* I was in graduate school, in part of stuff like "rise of the internet" and independent contractor misclassification and stagnancy/depression of wages;

c) My Ph.D. program actively refused to provide internships when it was becoming clear that they were necessary, depriving me of an internship again (I would have done one in comms): and

d) As I was applying around for jobs, corporations began using resume-screening software but no-one knew that they were doing that yet or the work-arounds of super closely matching your language to the job description (here again, they also probably screened me out because I didn't have a recent internship with a super-applicable job title).

3) During the various unionization drives that I was a part of, the major one failed, in part because of a turf war and competing drives that arose between major unions, when I was already in the middle of trying to unionize that vital workplace.

4) When neighbors etc. encouraged me to run for office, the cost estimates that I got through candidate trainings were just on the edge of plausibility, but it turns out that costs like were **doubling** that cycle, and plus a major political actor had pre-determined to push a divisive issue that put me in a hardspot in my district and deprived me of the ability to fundraise from the most motivated parties (since to do that, I'd have to adopt an unpopular issue stance).

5) With choosing to focus on popular writing, venues were slowly decaying, but that went downhill rapidly, and the situation quickly developed where you needed a formal academic affiliation to get the traction that I used to get without one. Also, the book market decayed, where now you need a huge social media presence and to deliver a ready-made audience to a publisher in order to get a contract (a huge job in itself).

6) With eldercare, I was just at the point where I'd put my time in and ready to credential and move up, when the pandemic hit and kept me in low-level lower-wage jobs. Then, when I began to credential after the pandemic, wage inflation destabilized the sector, so I was never able to establish myself or move into higher-paying jobs.

7) With the one EU country where I had a good chance at dual citizenship, their processing times massively slowed down after my application had been submitted, and then their requirements massively changed right in the middle of that, necessitating waiting and then maybe re-applying in the future and in any case hugely reducing my chances and pushing any potential positive response off for like 3-5 years.

. . . 

When I've mentioned this just vaguely to people -- for example, my mother -- she says stuff like, "Oh, I went to college for teaching, and then I got out and they didn't need any teachers."

Older generations don't just understand the sheer amount of instability, and the recurring vast time-energy sinks that you put it, for very uncertain and negligible gains.

People also blame you, a lot of times, that you set out on paths blithely or somehow didn't have back-up plans or do due diligence on what was needed and you chances.

As I've increasingly said to or thought about those sorts of people, "I'd like to see you alive now, and giving it a whirl." 

Memories of graduation weekend this year…

…at the one (Thai) restaruant where I work now:

1) When it’s extremely busy, I duck into the hallway leading to the kitchen and I see my one (Guatemalan) coworker who always tries to f*ck with me and he’s super hustling but his eyes are bugged out and you can tell he’s hustling but also kind of stressed from the sheer amount of work that everyone is having to do, so I call out to him and am like, Porque no estas trabajando (“Why aren’t you working?”), and the (Thai) (husband) restaurant owner sees and hears me and is like, “Hey! Get to work,” even though I don’t think he understood what I said.

2) When I ask this (bright-eyed) (happy) (Indian from India) father who was treating out his son and like a huge table of students whether they want desert like mango sticky rice, he asks them, and none want it, and he turns to me and with a twinkle in his eye is like, “You fed them too well! And these are young people.”

3) There’s new oranges every day underneath the small shrine to the house spirits, that’s on the back counter behind the glass rack where we keep the tall textured glasses for the Thai iced teas.

4) Among some specialty baked goods that I bring in one day as snacks, there's a curry cookie, and after having a bite, my breath fills my KN95 mask full of the smell of curry, almost like a perfume, and I keep re-inhaling that curry flavor for hours. 

5) During that long weekend, I get to thinking about front of the house vs. back of the house dynamics, and I wonder how much if at all the back of the house staff are making from all of this extra work.

6) A(n old) (addled) (Polish) woman trips on the foot of a heavy stand-up wooden room-divider that we shield the passage to the women’s restroom with, and since she has a gash on her elbow, I have to go get a band-aid from the First Aid kit back in the back utility closet.

7) On Friday night after work I really feel like a beer, so I stop by the nearby liquor store to get a single tall-boy of something craft, and I run into the one (tall) (good-natured) (young) (Thai) cook stopping by to pick something up, too, on my way out.

8) I bring in some raisin bread and cut it up when we start lunch shift one day, and it’s so busy that it barely gets eaten, and I remember hours later about my huge cup of coffee that I had brought in like I usually do for those shifts as well, only it had satten there unsipped all that day, for hours, it was that busy.

9) In advance preparation for the long weekend when they have me fold extra silverware and they tell me to put it in some box, I start laying the bundled silverware upright or in odd positions rather than in orderly rows on the bottom of the box, and when people notice, I’m like, “Oh, sorry!, no-one ever told me how to place them in the box.”

10) When it’s unclear where exactly we’re going to sit a large (Indian from India) party with a reservation when they come in – sometimes we have to plan several steps ahead so certain configurations of tables free up later, and I defer to people with more experience with that form of planning – I tell them that we have room for their reservation, but I also kindly ask them to wait one minute because we need to make sure that we keep the right combination of tables open, and I say something about how I can’t do anything until I hear back from my coworker and she tells me what to do.

“Just like my marriage,” says one (Indian from India) man softly to me right after I say that, as he passes by me.

11) My (newer) (taller) (Thai) coworker is mad because the owner didn’t schedule me on Saturday night, which is set to be the busiest night of the year, but he did schedule our (Chinese from China) coworker instead, who’s not only been there not as long as I have, but also wilts under pressure and can’t keep it together as much as I can when it’s extremely busy.

“With you, I don’t have to worry, you can hold down the front of the house yourself,” she has told me.

“So you want me to ask [the (Thai) (husband) owner’s first name] if he will put me on shift?”, I was like, and she just gave me this sharp formal nod that I call her businesswoman nod.

But, he said he would only pay me host wage if I stayed, no share of tips, so I said no, and if they needed me to work, they could call me and I would come in and work for tips.

(They didn't.) 

And, my one (newer) (taller) (Thai) coworker and my one (chubby) (Thai) coworker later told me that it wasn’t that busy – that’s that (Thai) conflict avoidance -- but our (Chinese from China) coworker was later gushing about how it was the best tips of the year, like $215 for the entire shift, and people didn’t stop coming all evening.

(To tell the truth, I was a little mad, even though the money that I lost out on was maybe $70-80 above a standard high-paying shift… I’ve been there longer and am a more dependable worker and a better high volume worker and our [Chinese from China] coworker was even looking to maybe change jobs this winter, and he’s the type of person to take and never contribute, he almost never brings in food to work although he eats what everyone else brings in, and he never even looks ahead to make sure that people will be around when he needs time off, either…  To move forward, though, I guess I learned that I need to explicitly ask for high volume shifts, when those days roll around every year…)

12) At one point I go to refill a water pitcher but I don’t notice that the high-pressure nozzle that swings out over the hand-washing sink is positioned so the stream will jet just outside of the sink-basin, and so when I turn it on, it happens to squirt all over the tennis shoe of my one (chubby) (Thai) coworker, who happens to be standing right there.

And, I find out later that her shoe got so wet, that she had to run home and change shoes, it was that bad and that uncomfortable.

13) Sunday night after close, they throw out a spread of Whoppers and stuff from Wendy’s, for all the staff to have for food after work.

14) When I get my check for cumulative tips after the weekend, I cash it at the bank, only to get it returned later since the (Thai) (husband) restaurant owner had been so tired, that he forgot to sign the check.

And, I have to go through this whole procedure where they reverse the transaction but also send me a legally valid facsimile of the check, and if he signs that and I bring it back in, it’s okay, and the money will go through.

Some (Spanish) interactions at work…

…at the one (Thai) restaurant where I work now:

1) When I had a lot on my mind with trip planning and projects etc., my one (Guatemalan) coworker who always tries to (good-naturedly, mostly) f*ck with me noticed and was like, No estas feliz? (“You’re not happy?”).

2) One weekend lunch shift when I was working a double and they forgot to make my food and so I had to stand around ten minutes into my hour break for it to get made, I had nothing to do while waiting for it, so I kept putting my hand on my stomach and a tremendously pained look on my face and I kept leaning dramatically against a kitchen counter like in weakness and saying stuff like Ai, estoy moriendo, estoy moriendo (“Oh, I am dying, I am dying!”), and then when finally my food was ready, I was like, Oh, gracias, me salvaste (“Oh, thank you, you saved me!”), all with very overexagerrated emotions, which made my one (new) (young) (quiet) (female) (Guatemalan) coworker occasionally titter.

Some commands at work…

...at the one (Thai) restaurant where I work now:

1) One day this summer, my one (older) (Thai) coworker who’s a whiz at the phones sees out through the front window from way back in the restaurant that some people across the street have parked their car and can’t figure out the meters, since they're just standing around there by the curb looking at them but not otherwise doing much of anything.

So, she tells me to go outside and yell to them that they don’t need to do to use the meters after 5pm on weekdays or all day on weekends.

And, I do that.

“Thank you!”, they yell across the street to me.

“Don’t thank me!”, I yell back, “Thank my co-worker who saw you!”

2) The (Thai) (wife) restaurant owner tells me not to give people the option of having their duck crispy in the duck curry, since it takes a lot of extra time for the staff to go through the extra steps of battering it with eggs and deep frying it before putting it in the curry.

And, I explain to her that I started doing that, because twice in one week people had complained about how the duck skin was cooked in the curry, and one customer said it was the grossest thing they had ever seen.

And, after she inquired, I clarified that that customer who made that complaint was (white), and she was like, “These customers it doesn’t matter, they’re Asian,” and she told me to maybe in the future confirm with people that it’s okay that the duck is cooked with the skin on in the curry, and if they’re not okay with that, *then* offer the crispy duck to them.

Mother’s Day past and present…

…at the one (Thai) restaurant where I work now:

1) The new (townie) (light-skinned) (black) girl with a (hippie/nerd vibe) who’s returning as a fill-in waitress was telling me about one Mother’s Day before the pandemic, when there was actually a line of people extending all the way outside out the door and everyone just decided to wait for tables to free up, and it was so busy that the (Thai) owners had to call all of their young daughters to come in and help out where they could around the restaurant with stuff like filling water-pitchers and folding silverware and whatnot.

2) One of my spring-summer trips this year put me out of town on Mother’s Day and my one (chubby) (Thai) coworker said she wished I could be there for that since it would be so busy – and then on that Sunday, it was a much slower than normal shift, it turned out.

Some customers this summer…

...at the one (Thai) restaurant where I work now:

1) Four (old) (white) people in T-shirts with various birds on them come through, and they look vaguely familiar.

“We remember you from last year,” says the one, and they refresh me that they’re traveling across the state on their annual cross-country trip, and that they always stop off in our restaurant.

"Oh yes, you do look familiar," I was like.

And, after I comment on their bird shirts, it turns out that many are birders, and I ask them what their most memorable life-sightings have been, one turning out to be something that had been blown off-course and was "making waves" in their local birder community, that you had to go travel and see that now.

2) A (middle-aged) (white) woman who recently moved from the southern part of the state and I get to talking about the sizeable snake migrations around there and if she’s ever seen them, and she says that she hasn’t and she wouldn’t, since the kid of someone she knew once got bitten by a cottonmouth and they had to go around to 2 ERs for the anti-venom and she can’t think of a more nerve-wracking thing to have happen in your life, being bitten and then going to the hospital and they don't have what they need to save you.

A feat of environmental neuroticism:

When the outer cartridge of my pen becomes broken and the clicky-top won’t stay on, I make sure to pick up another pen exactly like it from my local bank, so that after the ink-stick in that one runs out, I can use what remains from the old ink-stick in it, rather than throw it out unused.