So – and
I should have blogged about this damn near half a year ago, but I just didn’t
have the stamina to, though I had jotted down notes afterward on a stray piece
of paper post-class when I was at a (new) bar trying to wind down from performing for 3 hours – the one swinger couple that I
met at the sex film series ended up being surprise guests for the last hour of
my class devoted to swinging.
In no
particular order –
1) They
have a close circle of about 50 friends, and once even went poly with another
couple, though they broke it off after a couple years since it got too deep – between the male swinger guy and the other male
swinger! It had been the guyses' idea for the poly relationship, too.
2) Right
now there’s a renaissance of swinging among hipsters, who tend to be less
homophobic then older swingers, though oddly the bro-and-sorority set never get
into swinging, just the hipsters.
(“The
men fuck each other’s ear hoops,” I wanted to say, but I restrained myself
since I was teaching, I have to do that in front of the kids, otherwise things would completely devolve.)
“But you
really can’t be too homophobic with some of the things we try,” the lady
swinger said, and then was like, nervously, “Can I tell them about that time?”,
which she asked several times (as kind of a permission submissive thing?) to
her partner before he finally laughed and was like, “Okay.”
Then,
she started talking about how they had been doing double penetrations with a
male friend from a couple they had played with, and after doing DPs for a
while, they decided to try a DVP –
(“V?”, I
mouthed quizzically to no-one in particular, and a student of mine who must
have seen me be confused said distinctly, “Vaginal”) –
and for
the DVP, they had a hard time "mechanically" with getting both cocks in, and then
their friend had the idea of trying to get them both into one condom, and then
trying.
“So we
got together and put a condom on together,” the guy swinger was like, laughing
and half blushing.
3) As
they put it, BDSM think swingers are “sleazy”, while swingers think BDSM people
are “mentally ill”, as the lady swinger clearly enunciated, with wide eyes and
a nod; “We think they’re mentally ill!”, she was like.
4) That
said, the swinger couple had tried BDSM parties, but they stopped because they were
bored...
They
also said people they knew who also had attended parties got very turned off by
BDSM culture, since no didn’t always mean no like in swinging culture, and when
the submissive person said “no”, it was shocking how the top didn’t stop
sometimes, but kept trying to push them until their limit was reached and there
was a real “no” no, in the top’s judgment.
That
said, at some swinger parties some guys invite platonic female friends or even
hire a woman to go with them, and those women are known as “tickets” since they
only are there to get the guys in to the party. Those guys are just known as
trouble, since they go around and come on too strongly and even join in orgies
when they aren’t invited, and one time a woman got raped somehow since she was
blindfolded on a bed and somehow thought someone else would do her and it
turned out to be a guy who came to the party with a ticket who had left him and somehow he substituted
himself for the guy who the woman thought was doing her...
“It was
awful,” the lady swinger was like, acknowledging rape at a party that they had
been at.
5) When
discussing meeting people online, the female swinger noted the tendency of men
to post cock pics, “because that’s who a guy is,” she cracked.
6) They
usually have sex apart like maybe once every 3-4 weeks, though sometimes as
long as 3 months go by without their having done it.
At first
they would only have sex with other people when they were in the same room
together, and then they used to always go out to bars together and vet each
other’s partners, but recently they started going separately, since the swinger
lady says a lot of time her partner gets a lot of interest and is known to be
“hot stuff” on the scene but she’s the “old lady” and has self esteem issues,
so it’s just better all around if she’s not there.
When
they did go out together, though, his signal to nix something was turning over
the bottle cap on the bar like he was fidgeting, and hers was to take off her
bracelet and drop it a bit on the bar like she was fidgeting.
One
time, some woman from a couple was talking with the guy swinger and made some
asshole-ish comment about her right there, so the lady swinger took off her
bracelet and dropped it like six inches so it made a loudish cling.
“Was
that a signal that you don’t want us?”, the other lady asked.
“Yes,”
the swinger lady said she said.
She also said that it’s absolutely astonishing how many women come onto a guy by
insulting his partner in front of him.
“What’s
up with that?’, she was like. “Uh, I’ve
known him for longer, if you want to get in his pants, do you really think
that’s gonna fly?”.
7) The swinger couple met on MySpace.
“We’re
embarrassed to say that now,” the lady swinger was like.
8) At one point, the lady swinger kept swearing
that female ejaculation really does exist, and there was something about blue
mats, but I can’t read my notes or remember what memory the phrase “blue mats’
was supposed to jog...
9) They said they
teach at sex conferences in order to travel, since they’re not as well-off as other swinger
couples, and the honorarium they get helps them afford the junkets.
10) For a
while, they helped out for fun for “sex tours” arranged by a local for-profit tourist org.
The host
was a local guy from the kink scene who’s a friend of theirs, and he’d load the
bus up with grannies and grampas from around the Midwest, and then he would take
them to a dungeon he’s a member of during off-hours, at which time he’d arranged
for the swingers to be there.
“Shhh,”
he’d tell the tourists, as he herded them through a side door, “If you’re
quiet, we just might see something....”
Then, as they gathered at the one end, across the dimly-lit dungeon would be the swinger
couple naked in the one lit area, her tied up to a sawhorse, and the guy swinger with a Darth Vader
mask on pumping her from behind like he was fucking her up the ass.
Then,
after just a bit of time had passed, he would start pumping a lot quicker, and then
give a loud audible “Bunh!”, and kind of lean forward and rest on the lady
swinger’s back like he had just blown his load.
11) From
a doctor friend of theirs in Miami they learned about some anesthesia that
gives guys raging hard-ons if you inject it half way up your cock – there’s a
lot of doctors in the lifestyle, they said – but they managed to get a steady
supply from a non-scene doctor friend of theirs once they were back home, and
for a while the swinger guy was the talk of every orgy.
”But you know [the first name of the swinger lady],” the guy swinger was
like. “She can’t keep her mouth shut.”
As the
swinger lady then added, every man was talking, and would keep asking “How is
he that hard?” and saying “I want to know”, and there was a lot of pressure.
So, even
though he was “something special” with it, she started talking, and next thing
you know, everyone in town was using it, and a couple of friends of theirs even
went to the ER since they had had their erections for too long.
“It’s
like those commercials!”, the swinger lady was like, and began intoning,
“’Adverse side effects may include an erection that lasts longer than nine
hours...’”
Once,
too, she showed up to give a demonstration at a blowjob class, and their one
friend “who you could hang a beachtowel off of” arrived injected, with his cock
sticking up from his pants behind his belt and up his shirt past the belly button.
“It was
awful!”, the swinger lady was like.
“Half of it is how you get and keep someone hard.”
11) Since they’re pretty public swingers, even at
work, that can cause problems.
One of
their swinger friends from a ritzier suburb was showing a friend of hers some
picture to show her her new dress, and in that picture she and her husband
happened to be with the swinger couple.
That
friend of theirs – who worked with the lady swinger – was like, “Oh, you guys
know [the guy swinger’s first name] and [the lady swinger’s first name]?" - and then, quickly and suspiciously, as the lady swinger told it - "Are you swingers...?”.
“Uh,
no,” their friend lied.
“That
was a tough one,” the lady swinger was like.
“Our being out really put her on the spot.”
. . .
The second-to-final day, when I had the kids give improvement suggestions and we talked over them together, one said the special guests were the best part of the class, and practically everyone nodded in assent.
