The coffee shop in the main library on campus has a lot of undergraduate employees, and I joke with them.
(In fact, I joke with most everyone I meet on a daily basis.)
Anyhow, the other week I really really felt like buying a chocolate donut to have as a mid-afternoon snack with my coffee, and I was telling the one (white) (female) (undergrad) employee and this one (skinny) (Indian) (male) (freshman-looking) employee that I felt like that but I'd been eating too much shit lately, and the skinny Indian kid starts talking about how he can eat and eat and never worry about anything.
"That'll catch up with you," the girl employee said.
"Yesterday I ate a whole box of chicken nuggets, and that was 2800 calories right there!", the skinny Indian kid was like, without missing a beat, and just being really happy and open and not really noticing what was going on around him, like freshmen are.
Then, he started saying that people say he must weigh 120lbs, when he really weighs 138lbs.
"Fuck," I was like, "I'll get the donut. And when I go to purge, I'll make sure I'm near you, so I can vomit it into your mouth and feed you like a baby bird."
At that, the two undergrad just stopped and stared at me.
"That was really wrong," the skinny Indian kid said, with his shocked smile still pasted on his face.
"Well, you need the calories more than I do!", I said, and I went to go sit down with a friend, as the undergrads laughed nervously as I left.
Saturday, September 29, 2012
Friday, September 28, 2012
Latin Lesson Downtown!
The other week I had to be downtown in the evening for a function (actually, that sex doc), so I checked with my one lawyer student if he wanted to meet downtown for his lesson and I'd come down there whenever, instead of him coming to me after work.
That worked for him, so after suggesting Starbucks, he said to come to his office, since they had coffee and everything there and we could use a conference room.
We met on like the 7th floor of this one building downtown, and his secretary brought me a coffee in a chic little glass-and-metal cup.
Afterwards, I went back down, and went to sign out with the (early 40s) (African-American) (male) guard who I had to sign in with, and with who I had joked, since for "PURPOSE OF VISIT" I had put -
LATIN.
Anyhow, I asked him if I had to sign out, and he said no, but I did it anyways, and I put -
FINITUM
- in the "time out" box on his form.
"I signed out in Latin!", I was like.
He laughed a lot, and picked up the board and read "fee-nee-tum", and after I joked that not too many visitors probably do that, he was like, "Heck no, I'm gonna keep that!", and laughed some more.
That worked for him, so after suggesting Starbucks, he said to come to his office, since they had coffee and everything there and we could use a conference room.
We met on like the 7th floor of this one building downtown, and his secretary brought me a coffee in a chic little glass-and-metal cup.
Afterwards, I went back down, and went to sign out with the (early 40s) (African-American) (male) guard who I had to sign in with, and with who I had joked, since for "PURPOSE OF VISIT" I had put -
LATIN.
Anyhow, I asked him if I had to sign out, and he said no, but I did it anyways, and I put -
FINITUM
- in the "time out" box on his form.
"I signed out in Latin!", I was like.
He laughed a lot, and picked up the board and read "fee-nee-tum", and after I joked that not too many visitors probably do that, he was like, "Heck no, I'm gonna keep that!", and laughed some more.
Thursday, September 27, 2012
Addendum.
I forgot -
I was telling the one (straight) grad student I know who's into BDSM about this book I was reading, Kate Bornstein's "A Queer and Pleasant Danger", a tell-all by a higher-up in Scientology who eventually left and became a transexual.
Towards the end of the book, she ends up in the Seattle leather dyke scene, and this dom couple takes her for a night and she ends up getting marks like on a cello's baseboard carved into her back, then a picture of a wolf razored on her chest, and then choked almost to the point of unconsciousness (though she won't take a breath again until they tell her to).
"Yeah," my friend was like, "That sounds like Seattle. People say that about the scene in the Pacific Northwest, that unless there's blood everywhere and everything's really intense, it doesn't count for them."
I was telling the one (straight) grad student I know who's into BDSM about this book I was reading, Kate Bornstein's "A Queer and Pleasant Danger", a tell-all by a higher-up in Scientology who eventually left and became a transexual.
Towards the end of the book, she ends up in the Seattle leather dyke scene, and this dom couple takes her for a night and she ends up getting marks like on a cello's baseboard carved into her back, then a picture of a wolf razored on her chest, and then choked almost to the point of unconsciousness (though she won't take a breath again until they tell her to).
"Yeah," my friend was like, "That sounds like Seattle. People say that about the scene in the Pacific Northwest, that unless there's blood everywhere and everything's really intense, it doesn't count for them."
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
Late night bar story: Prostitution.
So, since I had been sick last week, I had a lot of work backed up, and so Sunday I worked all day on a fellowship application, and since I needed to edit tedious article proofs and I was behind on bars, I went to the hipster neighborhood and edited proofs at 4 successive bars as I got a buzz on and changed scenery, then grabbed a nightcap at 2am at this one punkish bar that was open till 4am.
(Doing tedious work that requires concentration is nice with a buzz on; it makes you less aware of what's going on around you, so distract less easily and focus more on what's in front of you, and you also notice more things for some reason.)
Anyhow, I ended up talking with this wide-eyed (mid-20s) (white) sound engineer at the bar, who had been working all day too and was getting a nightcap, and it turns out that he had been at the bar for the 1st time too.
"I really don't know the 4am bars around here besides [name removed]," he was like, and so I told him there was that bar, the bar we were at, and a bar down the street where on weekends just random ass people who were hot messes showed up, and a lot of prostitutes.
"I haven't had many interactions with prostitutes," he was like.
Then, after a pause, he was like, "Actually, only one, it was a handjob with a happy ending."
Then, he told me that he was in Tennessee working a music festival, and they put him up in this off-brand hotel in a small town a ways away from the festival site, and one night he was really fucked up around midnight sitting out by the pool when this older (mid-50s) (white) woman comes by and asks him if he wants a massage.
"No way," I was like. "And you didn't think that was odd?".
"I was kind of fucked up," he was like, "All I was thinking was how nice a massage would be." Then he said he had had massages before, and they were pretty nice.
The next thing he knew, he was going with the woman to a room in the hotel, and she opened the door and her two (mid-20s) daughters were there, and the way the room was set up, you could tell it was kind of a family business, and as one daughter wandered off, the other sat idly around, and the mom began giving him a massage.
"Then she got some oil and reached down, and gave me the most awkward and oily handjob of my life, while her daughter watched," he was like. "That's really what it was, weird and oily. I just sat there and didn't really know what was happening, and I felt so weird. I got off but I didn't even care, I got up and left and I just felt weird."
(Doing tedious work that requires concentration is nice with a buzz on; it makes you less aware of what's going on around you, so distract less easily and focus more on what's in front of you, and you also notice more things for some reason.)
Anyhow, I ended up talking with this wide-eyed (mid-20s) (white) sound engineer at the bar, who had been working all day too and was getting a nightcap, and it turns out that he had been at the bar for the 1st time too.
"I really don't know the 4am bars around here besides [name removed]," he was like, and so I told him there was that bar, the bar we were at, and a bar down the street where on weekends just random ass people who were hot messes showed up, and a lot of prostitutes.
"I haven't had many interactions with prostitutes," he was like.
Then, after a pause, he was like, "Actually, only one, it was a handjob with a happy ending."
Then, he told me that he was in Tennessee working a music festival, and they put him up in this off-brand hotel in a small town a ways away from the festival site, and one night he was really fucked up around midnight sitting out by the pool when this older (mid-50s) (white) woman comes by and asks him if he wants a massage.
"No way," I was like. "And you didn't think that was odd?".
"I was kind of fucked up," he was like, "All I was thinking was how nice a massage would be." Then he said he had had massages before, and they were pretty nice.
The next thing he knew, he was going with the woman to a room in the hotel, and she opened the door and her two (mid-20s) daughters were there, and the way the room was set up, you could tell it was kind of a family business, and as one daughter wandered off, the other sat idly around, and the mom began giving him a massage.
"Then she got some oil and reached down, and gave me the most awkward and oily handjob of my life, while her daughter watched," he was like. "That's really what it was, weird and oily. I just sat there and didn't really know what was happening, and I felt so weird. I got off but I didn't even care, I got up and left and I just felt weird."
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
Loved that Madonna concert...
I really loved that Madonna concert I went to.
I had caught a cold that week, and I rested all day just to be ready for it.
I met my one lawyer friend from Missouri at a nearby Italian restaurant since she wanted to get some thing to eat, too, and while we were there, some people across from us on the patio (this big [African-American] [pediatrician] guy and a shorter older [German] woman) asked her if she wanted to have half a glass of wine and finish their bottle for them, since they couldn't finish it.
We started chit-chatting, too, and it turns out they had really really good tix to get rid of, like $355 tickets on the main floor about 50 feet from stage, and they would sell them to us for $150 each.
Since ours were way high up on the 3rd tier of the stadium and separate (the only tickets together I could buy were practically behind the stage, for the same price!), we impulsively bought them, and decided to sell our $110 tickets outside the stadium- THOUGH- as it turns out, there was a scalper glut and we could only get $20 each for them (erp).
Whatever, we still got mega-good seats for $240 each, and it was worth it.
For me, the absolute highlight of the concert was after the "Vogue" sequence, when a (black) man in a tophat playing a piano was raised up from beneath the floor onto the catwalk, and Madonna slinked down the stage doing a striptease while a giant male eye looking through a peepshow hole was projected on the back screen. As she staggered up and everything slowed down, she stripped off more and more till she was in a bra and panties and fishnets, and thrust her (muscular) (53y.o.) ass out at the audience and turned her back to them, which had on it tattooed in giant letters the word -
- and then, after the applause, she began a really really slow song in a minor key, as the guy played, and she just sounded old and chastened, and she crooned in the low part of her register the lyric "shiny and new", and you realized she was singing "Like a Virgin", but not as a happy pop hit, but as an old, worn-out woman would sing it.
(Oddly, in the YouTube footage I found from the tour in Rome, she had the words "NO FEAR" on her back.)
Also, the other absolute highlight of the concert (and perhaps the better one) was right after the opening number, where she was a girl gone wild brandishing guns, then ends up in a box set up like a hotel room with the word "Paradise Hotel" above it as a neon sign as she swigs out of a bottle and sits jauntily holding a gun beside a crucifix on the hotel wall... And then an intruder starts coming through the window, and she non-chalantly holds up the gun and blows him away, as a huge splotch of blood flashes across the background screen. Though it was all staged, it was very intense - and as the song went on, she proceeded to blow dancer after dancer away, and people were actively cringing, and me and my friend and people around me had to avert their gaze. It's actually the most effective stage violence I've ever seen.
Though I was sick, I was so hyped up after the concert - it was slated for 8pm, but she began at 10:20pm and ended at 12:20am - that I couldn't get to bed after 3am.
Though, that might have been the espresso from the Italian restaurant earlier, I did that to make sure my energy wouldn't flag.
I had caught a cold that week, and I rested all day just to be ready for it.
I met my one lawyer friend from Missouri at a nearby Italian restaurant since she wanted to get some thing to eat, too, and while we were there, some people across from us on the patio (this big [African-American] [pediatrician] guy and a shorter older [German] woman) asked her if she wanted to have half a glass of wine and finish their bottle for them, since they couldn't finish it.
We started chit-chatting, too, and it turns out they had really really good tix to get rid of, like $355 tickets on the main floor about 50 feet from stage, and they would sell them to us for $150 each.
Since ours were way high up on the 3rd tier of the stadium and separate (the only tickets together I could buy were practically behind the stage, for the same price!), we impulsively bought them, and decided to sell our $110 tickets outside the stadium- THOUGH- as it turns out, there was a scalper glut and we could only get $20 each for them (erp).
Whatever, we still got mega-good seats for $240 each, and it was worth it.
For me, the absolute highlight of the concert was after the "Vogue" sequence, when a (black) man in a tophat playing a piano was raised up from beneath the floor onto the catwalk, and Madonna slinked down the stage doing a striptease while a giant male eye looking through a peepshow hole was projected on the back screen. As she staggered up and everything slowed down, she stripped off more and more till she was in a bra and panties and fishnets, and thrust her (muscular) (53y.o.) ass out at the audience and turned her back to them, which had on it tattooed in giant letters the word -
FOR
GIVE
- and then, after the applause, she began a really really slow song in a minor key, as the guy played, and she just sounded old and chastened, and she crooned in the low part of her register the lyric "shiny and new", and you realized she was singing "Like a Virgin", but not as a happy pop hit, but as an old, worn-out woman would sing it.
(Oddly, in the YouTube footage I found from the tour in Rome, she had the words "NO FEAR" on her back.)
Also, the other absolute highlight of the concert (and perhaps the better one) was right after the opening number, where she was a girl gone wild brandishing guns, then ends up in a box set up like a hotel room with the word "Paradise Hotel" above it as a neon sign as she swigs out of a bottle and sits jauntily holding a gun beside a crucifix on the hotel wall... And then an intruder starts coming through the window, and she non-chalantly holds up the gun and blows him away, as a huge splotch of blood flashes across the background screen. Though it was all staged, it was very intense - and as the song went on, she proceeded to blow dancer after dancer away, and people were actively cringing, and me and my friend and people around me had to avert their gaze. It's actually the most effective stage violence I've ever seen.
Though I was sick, I was so hyped up after the concert - it was slated for 8pm, but she began at 10:20pm and ended at 12:20am - that I couldn't get to bed after 3am.
Though, that might have been the espresso from the Italian restaurant earlier, I did that to make sure my energy wouldn't flag.
Monday, September 24, 2012
Horrible horrible dream.
I dreamt that I was at my apt. just waking up out of my sleep, and suddenly all my blankets and bedcovers were ripped off me, and flew outwards into the room and stuck unnaturally midway up the walls hanging down, and I was overcome with this sheer terror, since I knew that a demonic presence was attacking me, and I didn't know what would happen next.
Then, I actually woke up, in sheer terror, with my covers wrapped around me.
Then, I actually woke up, in sheer terror, with my covers wrapped around me.
Sunday, September 23, 2012
Belated Trip Home News (2 of 2): No good deed goes unpunished..
On Tuesday morning, my one friend from high school was dropping me off at the train station before work (since my parents live 3 hours north of the nearest train station, I coordinate trips with my friend to get a ride to and from my hometown, so my parents don't have to drive long distances).
It was super super rainy and we were running late, and like 4 exits from the train station, it was stop-and-go traffic. There was a truck ahead of us that was starting to move very herky-jerky in the traffic, and as we stopped, I just started to suggest to my friend we might change lanes to get out from behind this truck... -
And as we're stoppped in the center lane of 3 lanes of eastbound traffic, the guy behind us hits our bumper at low speed, like 10-15mph.
My friend's like "Fuck," calls police to report the accident and AAA for towing, and then she pulls up a number for a cab to see if I can take that out, since the train leaves in 15 minutes...
Though it was a low-speed crash, their bumpers were entangled, and she couldn't move her car!
"I'll have to reschedule all my meetings today," she was like (she had 3!), "And we might have to put you on a later train."
Because that seemed awful, I asked if she needed me, or if things would be easier if I could still make the train.
"Make it if you can," she was like, so I took my 2 bags, opened the door, and stood in the rain
and put out my thumb like a hitchhiker.
Two people going by looked at me weirdly, a third, this younger girl with heavy make up, slowed and rolled open her window, but when I said I needed to go to the train station, just grimaced apologetically and moved on, and then the 4th, this round middle-aged (white) woman plopped in her street, stopped, and rolled down the window.
"Can you get me to the train station?", I was like. "My friend got in a minor accident and she has to wait here, and the train's leaving soon."
The woman paused, and then looked me in the eye, and was like, "Are you a killer?".
"No," I was like.
"Okay, get in."
Then, she took me to the train station.
Later, I texted my friend, and since she's 3 months pregnant, she ended up going to the emergency room so they could check up on the baby, just in case. There was a $100 deductible there that car insurance might cover, but otherwise car insurance covered everything, since the other guy was still at fault. She missed her meetings and so got behind in work, but otherwise everything was fine.
I felt awful and offered to pay for anything, and she refused, but I called up a flower shop and had a nice plant delivered to her at work the next day.
She said I didn't have to, but it was nice, and that all the women at work kept wondering who this guy who's not her husband was, who's sending her flowers.
It was super super rainy and we were running late, and like 4 exits from the train station, it was stop-and-go traffic. There was a truck ahead of us that was starting to move very herky-jerky in the traffic, and as we stopped, I just started to suggest to my friend we might change lanes to get out from behind this truck... -
And as we're stoppped in the center lane of 3 lanes of eastbound traffic, the guy behind us hits our bumper at low speed, like 10-15mph.
My friend's like "Fuck," calls police to report the accident and AAA for towing, and then she pulls up a number for a cab to see if I can take that out, since the train leaves in 15 minutes...
Though it was a low-speed crash, their bumpers were entangled, and she couldn't move her car!
"I'll have to reschedule all my meetings today," she was like (she had 3!), "And we might have to put you on a later train."
Because that seemed awful, I asked if she needed me, or if things would be easier if I could still make the train.
"Make it if you can," she was like, so I took my 2 bags, opened the door, and stood in the rain
and put out my thumb like a hitchhiker.
Two people going by looked at me weirdly, a third, this younger girl with heavy make up, slowed and rolled open her window, but when I said I needed to go to the train station, just grimaced apologetically and moved on, and then the 4th, this round middle-aged (white) woman plopped in her street, stopped, and rolled down the window.
"Can you get me to the train station?", I was like. "My friend got in a minor accident and she has to wait here, and the train's leaving soon."
The woman paused, and then looked me in the eye, and was like, "Are you a killer?".
"No," I was like.
"Okay, get in."
Then, she took me to the train station.
Later, I texted my friend, and since she's 3 months pregnant, she ended up going to the emergency room so they could check up on the baby, just in case. There was a $100 deductible there that car insurance might cover, but otherwise car insurance covered everything, since the other guy was still at fault. She missed her meetings and so got behind in work, but otherwise everything was fine.
I felt awful and offered to pay for anything, and she refused, but I called up a flower shop and had a nice plant delivered to her at work the next day.
She said I didn't have to, but it was nice, and that all the women at work kept wondering who this guy who's not her husband was, who's sending her flowers.
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