So I went to midget-wrestling last night...

So me and a few people went to midget-wrestling last night. I bought some hair gel and a comb and got my hair spikey, especially in front, and I went for a long-sleeve collared shirt that I could turn the collar up on, only I decided not to wear any of mine since they don't fit too well and they were kind of wrinkly, so I went instead for a short-sleeve polo-shirt kind of thing with brown and white stripes that I could turn the collar up on.

The bar was this upstairs room that was just a floor and a bar off to the side, and back in back another bar, and big unmanned metal tubs in a few places in the room, and banners talking about the different shit they were having going on and posters looking for bartenders/beer tub girls/shot girls/security/camera and name girl. In the bathroom above the urinals were photo collages of women, including mom-types, flashing their tits in the bar and standing up on the bar dancing and bending way over so you could just see the thong as this little teeny thread going in between their ass-cheeks. They had a few different tvs -- one was playing a baseball game, which delayed the midget-wrestling a while -- and one had footage from the bar of women bar-dancing (a big theme with them) and people doing shots and that beer funnel thing, and even one of a big-titted waitress kneeling on the bar while a midget poured a bottle of Jack Daniels into her mouth.

As it turns out, the advertised $6 pitchers of Long Island Iced Tea were for one, so everywhere you looked there were people standing around holding these gigantic pitchers of Long Island Iced Tea with straws sticking out of them. At first I was standing around and started drinking one of those, and a midget walked by, and by the time I got to the bottom of the pitcher, what I thought was a small child walked by, and I was like, "Who the fuck brought their kids in here?!?!", only I did a double-take and realized it was the same midget again.

Over in the corner there was an early-40s businessman hitting on a late-20s girl, all night.

One friend of one of my friends who came was told at the door to turn around his baseball cap so it was forward, because of gang shit and signs or whatever from people who drift through there, and later when he adjusted his cap and put it back without thinking, and a manager immediately came up and asked him to turn his hat-bill forwards again.

In between some innings -- the wrestling hadn't started yet -- a waitress climbed up on the bar and brought up a baseball fan and a wrestling fan and had a chug-a-pitcher context between them.

When the wrestling finally started, I was surprised at how theatrical it was. The advertised midget "Puppet the Psycho Dwarf" couldn't make it, so they worked it into the plot, where the visiting midget from Kansas City, a slightly taller midget with shaved head and a goatee and pierced ears, was trash-talking and saying how he pussed out, and then Tito the home-side midget, a clean-shaven slightly smaller midget with a lot of tats on his arms, started telling him to go fuck himself and everyone started chanting "Fuck him up", after Tito had gotten the crowd going by being like, "Are you ready, to see a midget, BLEEEEEEEEEED?", and held out the microphone for the response. Both he and the midget from Kansas City were standing on the bar for all of this pre-game shit.

After some more baseball, the one bartender cleared a circle in the middle of the floor and the midgets started trash-talking again, and then they started throwing WWF-type punches that didn't make contact if you looked closely (or actually not too closely), and throwing each other around by the hair, and dropping each other with elbow blows to the head. Tito even rushed the midget from Kansas City and pinned him against the bar and punched him in the stomach a lot, though eventually the midget from Kansas City got the best of him after trying to pin him a couple times, and the bartender left the plot open by being like, "And we'll have a rematch within the hour..."

After the first round and into my second pitcher, I was talking with another friend of a friend who came, a tall guy with a baseball cap and bad teeth and a tattoo under his left arm that was something like a tombstone that said 'RIP - MOMMA' with a date-range underneath it, and it turns out that he didn't find the midgets that odd at all, since he had opened a few bars in Cincinnati for an owner who was a midget. He started telling me that it's not about your height, but your height on the inside, and how a seven-foot tall person can be a midget on the inside and would be more crippled and treated worse than than the midgets he knew and the ones in the bar.

When it got time for the rematch, the bar was mega-crowded, and everyone pushed forward to see it and I couldn't get a place, and since it was already almost 1am, I left, with people crowding around the midgets. I guess I don't make it seem as trashy as it was, but I think overall there was something uncapturable about the atmosphere, taken as a whole, though I wasn't so much appalled as exhilirated, though this morning my mind is fucked.