I was thinking recently about how intense my experience was with my one huge discovery about the one ancient language that I’ve been studying now for a number of years, and how it was like this gigantic thing in me that I couldn’t get out, until finally I did, and how I felt like death was chasing me, and how I had the weird experience where I missed learning about getting into the path of the total solar eclipse that was happening near me, where people I knew were going but somehow I didn’t know that it was “a thing” until it was too late for me to go, and how it was like some weird collusion of the universe to keep me from going there, perhaps to protect me while I was in a liminal state.
Thinking back to then and before then, I really am like a new person, where I’m on the other side and I’ve transferred state into just another level of expertise and discovery and being, even if it’s not getting recognized yet or if anyone else feels it as palpable like I do.
Before then I had more doubts about the overall path that I was on, whereas now it’s frustration about lack of particular recognition or an immediately viable professional pathway, but my confidence in what I’m narrowly doing is just a given, no questions asked or tolerated.
It's like I've just shifted irrevocably into a different and higher level of knowledge and action...
It's so weird.
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