Story of My Dad: Hatred.

My dad tends to like every one, but he says there's like 6 people in the world he's met who he simply does not like.

One was a guy who used to come into the bar sometimes with his father, and the guy was a real asshole, and one night when he was drunk he started making just horrible fun of his own father and getting real belligerent, so my dad threw him out of the bar and told him never to come back.

Shortly after that, he left town, and a few years ago my dad heard he was back and the guy was telling people how much he hated him, so then whenever my dad and my mom went to fish fries, my dad always made sure to sit facing the door, in case the guy came in and wanted to start a fight.

The one guy who my dad really really hates, though, is this incredibly fat owner of a Little Caesar's Pizza place in my one town.

"I simply do not like that man," my dad says.

The owner is really obese, and we've always made fun of him.

(In fact, I found out our neighbors used to make fun of him too; one used to say that they had to measure his ass every day before they opened up, to push the tables that much farther apart.)

"Fat Bob and his motorcycle!", my dad would be like (the guy owns a motorcycle and rides around in his XXL leather jacket).  "He gets up and the seat is there between his cheeks."

 (My mom also hates his wife; she's active in the local Catholic church, and she says she always is holier-than-thou and putting on classes about marriage and how wonderful it is and how to make a marriage work.  "Yeah, with Fat Bob," my dad is like.)

Anyhow, one time my dad was in the bank at the tellers, and then he hears someone calling his name across the bank, and it's Fat Bob, and the guy is like, "Whoa ho ho, [my dad's name], how you doing?  You're a little more bald than the last time I saw you, I think you lost a little more hair," and he made a few cracks like that about my dad's baldness.

"Whoa ho ho," my dad was like, imitating his laugh.  "And you're fat."

Then, Fat Bob had to pretend to laugh, and my dad says the teller women's eyes just got real big and their heads snapped back.

"I'm sorry," my dad is like, "But I simply cannot stand that man!  He thought he was so cool."