From “South American Lawyer in a Cloister”, by Maria Cristina (1963-1975; 213-214):
Another difficult practice was flagellating ourselves alone in our cells every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. The two flagellation devices were called the minor and major disciplines. The small one was supposed to hurt but not show anything on the skin. The other one was heavier and sometimes drew blood. The disciplines were to be used on the buttocks and legs...
The purpose of flagellation was to dominate our sexuality. But sometimes when I hit myself I awakened my carnal desires. When our carnal or sensuous side was aroused we had to explain what had occurred to the Mother Superior. It was difficult for me to share with her because I felt guilty and ashamed. I knew that as a woman there were moments when my sexuality was there. This flagellant device did arouse my feelings, and it was hard for me to control them. By obedience to the Rule, I had to use that device on myself every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. There was no escape.
Many times masturbation, which was forbidden by the Rule, happened. I had to confess, in front of the community, ‘Last night I had impure thoughts and impure manipulations.’ I felt guilty and remorseful, and I requested heavy penance, which was granted. Heavy penance was self-inflicted flagellation, which sometimes aroused me again. It was a cycle, especially right before or during or after my period. We also had belts with small crosses to wear around my arms, thighs, and waist. Those small crosses caused a lot of hurt. Some days, doing this penance was quite helpful and rewarding for me in trying to achieve perfection.
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Friday, September 30, 2011
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