Some jokes with customers lately...

...at the one (Thai) restaurant where I work now:

1) Whenever people order the hot sake, I inform them that that's the best deal on the menu, for amount of alcohol per dollar. "I call it the fraternity/sorority option," I'm like. "Are you pregaming for something?"

2) With certain select customers who seem (younger) and (cooler), I deliver my usual efficient line when I deliver water and menus -- "Would you like anything else to drink besides water right now, or would you like me to put in an appetizer order right away for you because you're super-hungry after work for crab rangoons or something?" -- only, I change up the line about being super-hungry after work a little, and after listing that possibility, I add, "...or maybe because you're stoned?".

3) When a semi-regular (shorter) (fatter) (late 20s) (Indonesian) guy is in with his (slightly taller) (thinner) (late 20s) (Indonesian) (female) friend, he's showing her some pictures of sushi on his phone while I'm table-side, and I ask if that's some good restaurant, and he said it was okay but it closed already, it was in a stripmall over by the Walmart, and then we get talking about sushi places around town, and I tell him what I've heard, and he says that none are very good, at best they're okay, and that at this one nearby one that people like, the sushi wasn't good at all, the rice actually fell apart when you went to pick it up, and he made a picking-up motion with his hands like he was using chopsticks.

"Or," I was like, saying everything clearly and simply for them as (non-native) (English) speakers, "Maybe the problem is that you are too strong."

And, at that his (female) friend started laughing appreciatively.