My innovation idea: Shit Bit.

3 of my friends from my hometown are obsessed with “Fit Bit”, the smartphone-integrated biometric device that’s a pedometer, heart rate reader, REM sleep monitor, and whatnot, and use it to keep track of walking/running levels and compete with family through having stats automatically loaded online.

Meanwhile, my bowels were fucked up like they always are when I visit my parents – I eat a lot of food and too much junk to boot – and for days I had just been eating and eating, and yet I was surprised since only little brown ropes of shit were coming out the other end, and only like maybe once a day.

That is, until my morning shit 3 days in where after my 2^nd cup of coffee I really needed to go, and I walked to the bathroom and sat down and like right away my bowels went “BWEH”, and it’s like a bucketful of shit came straight out of my colon and filled up the bowl, with a little splash up the back side.

I figure, it was all the shit I had been holding back up inside of me. 

Anyhow, later that day as I was finding out that the 3^rd of my 3 friends I had seen over the trip had a Fit Bit, I realized, that I would much prefer a “Shit Bit”, a bracelet that sees how big your shit is, and is linked into your smartphone so you can compete against friends to see who’s taken the biggest shit recently, ideally adjusting the shit rankings to reflect the size of the person.

I have no idea how feasible it is – could the bracelet send electric signals through you to weigh you before and after a bowel movement? – but I think it’d be a ton of fun.

My 1 friend from high school who married my neighbor – both of them Fit Bit owners – said he’d get one, though he says his wife would win since even though she's petite she “births bricks”.

My one friend who runs an integrated homelessness / domestic violence would have one too, and compete with me online.

She was wondering about what characteristics it’d monitor – I suggested liquidity and splatterness – and she suggested “pounds per square inch” (I think she meant cubic inch, as a type of density measure).

Her brother also suggested that you could take a picture of your shit with your iPhone and your phone could let you know if you had any medical problems, but that seemed like an old person Shit Bit and not the fun youthful product that I had in mind…

I also wondered in a thought that I kept to myself, how many fetishists would check out your blog, if you had a photoblog of every shit you took, just like some people take photos of every meal…

I bet someone’s already done that or is already doing that, but who knows, maybe it’s a niche market and even a new shitblog would be successful.

In any case, I really do think Shit Bit’d be a hit; it’d not only be fun, it’d be a great flat-out gift, not just a great gag gift.

If I had more time, I’d get a techie collaborator, put together a prototype, and get the hell on Kickstarter.

I’d also make sure to manufacture it in the U.S.A., even if that meant reduced profit margins…  We could make sure a little American flag was on the box, or a “Made in the U.S.A.” label tied to the biometric bracelet.

Shit Bit!