Ideas for my writing section.

A few weeks ago, my writing section was dead, so I told the freshkids, "Man, this class is dead, we should all go mainline some espresso."

Then I tapped my fingers against my veins like I prepping to inject something into them.

At that they stared at my blankly.

"Or," I was like, "We should all go each drink a double espresso.  Then, you can go back to the dorm and tell your friends, 'My writing instructor bought our class a round of shots - of espresso!'".

At that, one kid smiled, mildly.

"Tough crowd, tough crowd," I was like.  "'I just flew in from Las Vegas, and boy are my arms tired.'"

Then, after more silence, "Take my wife, please."

Then, after more silence, I was like, "You know, those are the jokes people tell to indicate someone's telling bad jokes?", and since none of them had heard them before, I explained the jokes for them, and then, like I always say, I said, "What the heck, were you kids born under a rock?".

I say that last one a lot - the kids, for example, had never heard of "The Education of Henry Adams", or "Seven Years Before the Mast", or even "Pamela".

I did read the New York Times Book Review pretty much cover-to-cover each week back when I was in high school - I subscribed! - but still, you think they'd get at least some major cultural references.

Instead, their brains have been permanently ruined from watching Miley Cyrus twerking.

(On another note, I bet these kids would majorly suck at Jeopardy.)

One of my dreams for section is to have a pocket mirror and a can of espresso grind coffee, and when the kids are tired, pull that out, dump some coffee on the mirror, use a credit card to make lines, and then roll up a dollar bill and offer a bump to all the kids. 

Then, when they look at me blankly, I'll hunch over and (pretend) snort a line of espresso myself, make an energized face as if to myself, and then resume teaching like nothing happened.

I'll have to be smart about it, though, and have a fresh can of coffee that they see me take the seal off of, and to tell them at the end of class that I really didn't snort espresso like cocaine, so no-one can accuse me of mixing coffee and illicit substances, or encouraging the kids to do something that'd harm them if they really tried it.