Sharting.

I've sharted like twice in the past month.

The first time, I let out a big fart just as I was leaving school, and it felt a bit moist, but I thought nothing of it. 

Then, biking home, I realized that my boxers were a bit wet, but by that point there was nothing I could really do about it but keep on biking home.

When I got finally got home like twenty minutes later, I kicked off my shoes and went to the bathroom, and sure enough, I had let fly a small piece of shit, and then riding home had rubbed it into my boxers and the shitty moisture even soaked into the back of the jeans.

I wiped my ass down and then took a shower, and scrubbed my boxers and jeans with soap while in the shower, and then I put the boxers and jeans out to dry in front of my gas heater vent.

The next day, the boxers turned out okay, but the ass part of the jeans smelled a bit like a nursing home when you put your nose up to the denim.

In any case, I then threw them both in my laundry bag, and I hope a good washing will make them okay again.

The 2^nd time, I was talking with my mom on the phone, and let out a fart, but I hadn’t realized that my shit that day was super liquidy, and I felt this spurt of warm water curl down my left ass cheek, and saw a single line of greenish-brown shit juice start slowly extending down my left leg.

“Hey, someone’s on the other line,” I was like, “I’ll call you back in ten.”

Then, I hightailed it to the bathroom, and extracted myself from my boxers to minimize smearing the shit juice around, as I also put toilet paper up to my ass cheeks to soak up what was there.

Then, I took another shower and washed the boxers, as well as my left sock, since the line of shit juice had just reached the top of the sock and soaked in a bit there, in a few greenish-brown drops, when I had begun taking off my clothes.

I really have no idea what I was eating both days that caused that to happen.

If I knew, I’d change my diet.  That was simply unacceptable.