Singing telegram.

The night before I moved, I met my one friend who delivers singing telegrams for dinner at this really good Peruvian restaurant that we've been to before - we got fried strip steak served over fried rice-and-bean patties - and then she took me along to a party for some people she knows, and just right before we left the restaurant, she broke that she was going to be delivering a singing telegram for the people there, and she had left all her stuff at home.

"Let's find shit on the way," I was like.

"Good idea!", she was like, brightening.  "I love a challenge."

So, after a stop-off at a convenience store where she had me run in to scope out possible props and gifts, we ended up going around a grocery store on the way there at like 9pm at night, and ended up in the seasonal aisle, where we got most everything we needed...

To start the telegram, which was for one woman in a lesbian couple whose birthday it was, and who had recently celebrated their tenth anniversary, she took out a spiky snap bracelet, and had the birthday girl hold out her arm, and she slapped the bracelet on, and was like, "That's to celebrate ten years!".

("And also for sexual pleasure," one guest remarked, loudly.)

Then, my one friend who delivers singing telegrams burst out into song, and towards the end, removed rubber mice from her bosom and flung them at the couple.

"That's because I couldn't find yellowjackets," she said as an aside between verses.

As it turns out, for their 10th anniversary trip, the lesbian couple had been in Tennessee and had been horrendously attacked by yellowjackets.

"Always personalize," my one friend who delivers singing telegrams told me on the drive home.  "That's what people remember."