Stone cold sober.

The other week I was talking with a (computer science) grad student from school, and it came up that he doesn't drink.

"Oh," I was like, "That's cool."

"Yeah," he said, "No alcohol, no drugs."

"Perfectly respectable," I was like.

"Yeah," he was like, "But I used to do all that stuff."

Then, after a pause, he was like, "But then I almost ripped my dick off after taking crystal meth and masturbating for nineteen hours straight."

Then, after another pause, he was like, "They had to do reconstructive surgery. It was actually bent at like a 45-degree angle."

Then, after yet another pause, he was like, "It's a quarter inch shorter now, from all the scar tissue. It contracted."

Then, finally, he looked me in the eye and was like, "You honestly have no idea how good it feels. It's like a million orgasms going off in your head all at once, for nineteen hours straight. It's all chemical, but it's all real, because it's all in your head."