My bowels.

For some reason I've had the worst gas the past 3 days. I feel all bloaty like I need to shit, but when I sit on the toilet, I fart forever and then finally a few small pieces of shit fly out.

Alternatively, a few times I've gone to let a fart out, but then I feel like shit's going to come out, so I go to the toilet, and there I only fart.

Also, a few times when I've shit it's all been very thick liquidy and brown, like an Ensure shake with a little more texture.