A Very Barry Christmas.

So, last night I went to the Barry Manilow Christmas concert. It was out in the suburbs in a suburban theater close to the airport... I got off the subway, and I had to walk along a sidewalk past conference centers / airport hotels / etc for like 10 min., and there was no one else walking, though there were a ton of cars lined up to turn into theater parking.

Inside, the place was full of white women with frosted hair - the younger ones kept it long, while the older ones bobbed it. A lot of the women wore red, and many of them had on these little Christmas accessories, like a big sparkly snowflake necklace, or a big sparkly Christmas tree pin, or some big-ass Christmas design in silver sequins on their shirt.

When I went to go take a piss - I had been at a coffee shop before heading to the theater - there were 20+ women waiting to use the restroom, and when I went into the men's room, it was empty.

Out at the souvenir stand, it was a crush of women.

"Ooh, an ornament!", one white woman was like, pointing to this $10 powder blue ornament with 'A Barry Merry Christmas' writtten in white on it.

"And look at that t-shirt," one white woman was like, to her two white friends, one of whom was older and looked like her mother

"Which t-shirt?", the one was like.

"The purple one," the original lady said.

"I don't see any purple one," the mom-like one was like, re-adusting her glasses.

They had posters up too for upcoming events, like "Mamma Mia!", and when I passed by those, one white woman was like, "Look, 'Mamma Mia!' is coming!", and when her friend said she saw the movie but had never seen the play, she was like, "Well, I saw the play, and it was great, and I'd go see it again."

There was also a poster that said "MANILOW: THE HITS AND THEN SOME" and had a big silhouette of Barry on it, and people would pose for pictures next to it, as well as next to these gigantic Christmas trees in the theater lobby.


When I walked into the theater - I had a seat on the upper tier - a (black) lady (the only one in the theater?) was handing out "ULTIMATE MANILOW: THE HITS" glowsticks, which glowed a frosty blue when you cracked them... Outside it had been soft Christmas music, and inside it was easy-listening music, only with an oddly clubbish thumping-bass backbeat to get the women stoked...

My seat kind of sucked - this really old guy with tall hair was in front of me - but towards the end of the opening act, this Vegas-style magician - I jumped up and managed to get a really good seat up at the front of the tier, probably like $70 more than what my ticket had cost.

Anyhow, after the magician got off stage, the curtains flung back to reveal a 50-piece orchestra and a few Christmas trees, and the majestic chords of "I Write the Songs" rang out, and just when you thought Barry was going to get on stage, there were these bells ringing out and some jingle bells and some spritely Christmas music, and from offstage, he started singing -

happy holidays...

- and the women went nuts and jumped to their feet, and when he ran out on stage singing a 2nd "happy holidays", the women screamed even louder.

Overall, the concert was very mixed. The carols didn't do it for me, and he seemed to deliberately camp up some of his older stuff, and that didn't work for me, since his big selling point is authenticity.

That said, when he sang "Mandy", it was as if I was hearing every word of the 1st verse for the very first time, something that's hard to do for a song whose lyrics I could recite in my sleep, and everyone else felt it too - as soon as finished the chorus and was like, "Oh Mandy...", everyone burst into applause, simultaneously, since they were feeling it.

Also, when he did "Can't Smile Without You", which I always find very repetitive - the only interesting part is to see which woman he pulls up on stage to dance with, though he didn't do that this time - somehow he mixed up the delivery of the lyrics with the dynamics and rhythm, and it was great... It made me want to sing it at karaoke, even!

Other than that, the best parts were his onstage banner. Like always, he made fun of his Jewishness, which I love.

"Gee folks," he was like, "Can you believe that I put out three Christmas albums? That's right, three! Pretty good for a Jew boy like me."

At the end of the concert, too, when Santa came out on a golf cart and children starting flooding the stage for his big closing number, he shouted out, "Look who's here, it's Santa! After all, what's Christmas without Santa? It's like chicken soup without the matzah balls!"

Also, when he was talking about his current Vegas show, he was like, "And I thought Vegas was some place that old singers went to die. That, and seedy - you know, gamblers and hookers and everything. But, I've discovered that it's actually a nice family place - more like gamblers and hookers and their kids."

That's Barry, giving you just enough edge so you love him.

Leaving, people were like, "Wasn't that a fantastic concert?", and, "I swear, he brought Las Vegas right to this stage!".