Loss / Slip / More Loss.

Every great once in a while some shit of mine gets broken, and all of a sudden I realize how attached I was to something though I had never quite known it before. Usually, a loss like this puts me into a funk, both because I lost something I really liked and also because I have consistently over the course of my life tried to wean myself from material possessions, so realizing I really like something makes me disappointed in myself, since I haven't weaned myself from material possessions enough to keep myself from every once in a while having a visceral, immediate sadness at some shit of mine that somehow got destroyed.

Most recently, it was discovering that since my passport has fallen into water and a lot of ink got blurred or disappeared, I can no longer find my visa stamps for Poland, Hungary, Romania, Albania, and Mongolia. I told my one friend I was visiting this like right after I discovered it, and she was like, "You should be sad, you earned them," and I thought to myself, "But what do you mean earn? any asshole with money can do the same thing," though I didn't say that, and I still missed them anyways.

On another (related?) note, the other day I was texting a friend about meeting up at a museum exhibition and since she was going to be teaching a class until late afternoon, I wrote her that I would just go early "since I'm the world's slowest person at museum exhibits and I don't want to be rushed", only when I read over my text before I sent it out, I realized that instead of 'rushed' I had written 'rich', so I had been like, "...I don't want to be rich."

Due to a chest cold and too many $4 martinis this past Sunday, I've lost my voice, or, to be more precise, gained a smokey, gravelly one, which is getting me psyched for going to karaoke this week, since now I finally have the voice to pull off some Bonnie Tyler, though it would help to be coming off a break-up so I'd also have the barely-submerged emotion necessary to make each and every audience member feel like they had just received a punch in the stomach.