NEWSFLASH!

Michelle Obama's pizza order --

"medium, thin crust, cheese only".

. . .

Also, all day today I've had the worst gas, and every time I get to the end of a long fart, it seems like a little piece of shit will slip out, right at the very very end of the fart, though it hasn't yet since my sphincter closes just in time, though it's been close a few times since I let the fart probably go on too long since I want to get as much fart out of me as I can and that brings me dangerously close to actually shitting myself. My farts also really smell like eggs, which kind of makes sense since I had my Sunday-night omelette like I always do and a hardboiled egg this morning with my burnt toast and strong coffee like I always do, but which kind of also doesn't make sense, since that food routine usually never has given me gas like I have now ever in the past.