Worse than sharting.

The other morning after an 8-bar night - 5 leisurely drinks, hanging out at a barbecue for several hours while I ate and re-hydrated, then 3 more drinks post-barbecue while club-hopping with a fellow barbecue goer I met - I wasn't that hung over, but was kind of gassy, and was having a leisurely Sunday morning breakfast when I went to go let out a fart, and a small burst of warm apple sauce-consistency shit came out of my ass, and I could feel it between my cheeks and the seat seeping into the cloth of my boxers in the ass area.

So, I kept my asscheeks together and waddled as quickly as I could to the restroom to minimize drip on the floor, took off my boxers as best I could to avoid getting shit wiped off on my legs accidentally, then sat down and just let loose this humongous loose watery shit of a mild brown color, with occasional flecks in it.

Then, I mopped up my ass, put my boxers in the sink and soaped them off, and hopped in the shower to get the shit off me.

Then, like a minute into the shower, I needed to fart again, so I did, and this time a bigger burst of shit came out, even though I thought I had exhausted myself with the humongous shit I had just taken.

So, I just stood there in shock not knowing what to do, and I farted again, but it wasn't fart, but shit, and it just poured out of me since I wasn't trying to consciously keep my sphincter closed and my bowels back.

I could just feel all this watery shirt with flecks pouring out of me into the shower, and I closed my eyes, I was so horrified, but it was mid-process, and there was nothing I could do at that point except maybe close my sphincter again and keep a little of the shit back in me, but by that time it's not like my main problem would have been that much different if I did that.

After it was over, I looked down, and there was a loose, slowly dissolving, very low pile of shit on the shower floor, maybe a half inch at its highest and slowly sinking, and then I turned and shit was like almost ass-level on the wall, it had gushed out of me so much and so far as I had just stood there in the shower.

Surprisingly, the smell wasn't that strong, and it was mostly gone after I directed the showerhead to wash it away for a minute or so.

Post-shower and scrubbing myself, I also got out soap and vinegar and scrubbed down everything, too.

While I was doing that, I figured out what it was that caused my problem.

At the barbecue, not only did I go for sides anyway, but the little rib meat that I ate was fatty, and I opted for a ton of sides, like 2 huge bowls of cole slaw, a bowl of barley salad (!), and 2 veggie shish kebab skewers with a lot of onions.

The amount of fiber I must have been harboring in my stomach that morning was astounding.

I really hope it doesn't fuck with the shower drain, and if it does, I hope I can convincingly lie to my roommate about what caused the plumbing problems.

This is one of those things that no-one should ever find out.