Some running jokes about my belly…

…since it has become a prominent and weird-shaped paunch, thanks to my core work, which has built up my abs and pushed out all the fat that's on top of it (“Umm hmmm, umm hmmm,” said my one [older] [Thai] coworker who’s a whiz at the phones very knowingly, since she does Pilates and must have come across this before, perhaps even with herself and her own body) –

[basically, I make various different jokes about me being pregnant] -

Me (holding my belly like a baby): “I need to sit down, I'm so tired, my feet are so sore.”

Me (jerking a stomach muscle and making it leap)” “Here, it’s kicking, feel, feel.”

Me (leaning over on top of the counter doing something when my one [newer] [taller] [Thai] coworker comes by and sees my butt sticking out and slaps it, making me leap up and drive my stomach into the edge of the counter): “Oh my god, you made me lose the baby, you made me lose the baby!”

Me (being asked by my [Guatemalan] coworkers how many months it is, or who’s the papa) (with a bewildered face): “I don’t know, I don’t remember.”

Me (being told by my [Thai] coworkers that I need to do more cardio to get rid of that last belly fat): “Or, I need an abortion.”

Me (being told by my [Thai] coworkers that I need to do more cardio to get rid of that last belly fat): “You know, I took a big shit, and people thought I lost the baby.”

My one (older) (Thai) coworker who’s a whiz at the phones (after I tell my coworkers that I need to lose a little weight so I can button an old blazer for a wedding, so please punch me in the stomach and help me lose the baby): “You do that, your belly swell up, and you look fatter than before.”

. . .