Karaoke - on Sat.

Last Sat., though, was hipster karaoke again.

The host opened up with Neil Diamond's "Solitary Man", only on one verse he changed the lyrics to -

that's who I am
karaoke man

- then, a few songs later, this fat hipster girl in black who's a really nice person and actually showed up her boyfriend who opened up the night with a forgettable version of "Bette Davis Eyes" sang "Dream a Little Dream of Me", at the opening notes of which the retired hispanic vet bartender went nuts and clapped his hands and shouted "Sing it, baby!", and which she did, very nicely, and then towards was like -

Dream a little dream
for Rory

- (since the host's name is Rory, and though that stuff usually annoys me, here it didn't at all.)

My one friend from Mississippi who's quite good at karaoke probably did his worst performance ever, and couldn't find the key, and when he did, he was in the wrong octave, and I have no idea what the song was, it was something country.

Then, I got up and did a very good performance of Jefferson Airplane's "White Rabbit". I stood with my hips kind of slung to the side like I was on drugs, and swayed back and forth to the trippy opening bass and guitar and snare drum part with my eyes resting on nothing, and the fat girl in black, who was at the table right next to the mircrophone whispered loudly to me, "Start it low!", and then the words started and I stared straight ahead for the opening lines of -

one pill makes you larger
and one pill makes you small

- and when I got to the next line -

and the pills that mother gives you
don't do anything at all

- I really did this restrained snarl on "mother".

I also made sure to hold my eyes straight ahead, and to not blink as much as possible, since that makes people disconcerted without them knowing why.

The host, who sometimes does very appropriate and not-annoying antics behind the singer, took out a strobe light and held it around me flickering, which I didn't notice for like a minute, though my friends said he did it pretty much the entire song, and inches from my face.

Unfortunately, the song gets just out of my range on the climactic lines -

remember
what the dormouse said
feed your head
feed your head

- and it was strained and lost power, and I will have to have them throw the key down a notch or two if I ever do the song again... I don't think it affected things too much, people really clapped and this older woman (a Vietnam veteran's wife?) in a brown bowling shirt stopped me right after the song as I was walking back to my seat and was like, "You were groovy!"

A little later, this one guy who had been there last month came up to me and said that he and his girlfriend is new in town and he loved me and my friend's stuff, and he's looking forward to hearing us here more, and that he could tell that we were regulars.

Unfortunately, the night was dominated by karaoke jackasses, who were this group of three frat boys (one [black]) who would get up and sing together, and like four extreme sports-looking girls, and a group of hipster girls who my one friend who is a petite fashion-conscious brunette from Buffalo who studies India and was with us said they used to be sorority girls, she could just tell.

Anyhow, the extreme sports girls were obnoxious, and 2 did this awful awful awful very self-absorbed version of "i wanna sex you up", and I turned to my friends and said that that was surprising, since men are the ones who are always karaoke jackasses, but I guess feminism worked, and I playfully pretend-punched the arm of my female friend and was like, "Baby, you've made it."

At that, my one female friend was like, "They're having fun in a way that they're comofortable with," which I found very diplomatic.

Later, my friend from Mississippi redemmed himself and did this fantastic job of "got my mojo working", and people were up and dancing in the aisles.

Shortly after, this fat blonde girl in a white shirt and melon shirt got up to sing "Me and My Bobby Mcgee" and she had a great voice, but she mugged ironic faces through it all, such typical hipster bullshit, so I went to the bathroom to ignore her.

Later, too, the drunker the fat girl in black got, the more her face showed her emotions, so as the obnoxious frat/sorority/whatever people got up to sing, you could just see barely-disguised contempt underneath all her jowls.

Then, oddly, this frat boy got up by himself and sang "Cecilia" and it was very genuine, and the fat girl in black lit up and clapped after, just like us, since she, like us, approved. The guy's girlfriend then led him out by the hand (good karaoke is hot).

Then, oddly, this extreme sports girl got up and sang some Stevie Wonder, also very genuine, and the face of the fat girl in black shot forth rays of vehement hatred, which I interpreted as jealousy since the extreme sports girl was thin and athletic and hot, but before she was a jackass and couldn't sing, so the fat girl in black had probably been telling herself, "Well, I can sing," all that time, but now her peculiar talent was being threatened - at least, that's how I interpreted it.

At some point this really out-of-it half-Mexian Vietnam vet ("Angel") got up and gave a rambling intro to his song, but then busted out into "Sunshine of Your Love" and did an excellent job.

Also, the host did these ticking clock motions with his hands behind someone sing Cher's "If I Could Turn Back Time", and then did them in the opposite direction as if time was being turned back, and then just turned his hands around and around quickly, as if time was really being turned back fast.

The night was getting bad again, though, because of the extreme sports girls - one grabbed the mike out of the hand of the hispanic veteran bartender when he reminded everyone to tip the karaoke host because he hosts karaoke for free to keep the post alive and just works off of tips and it's a nice thing he does, and she was like, "And it's the fucking best time ever, WOOOOOOO!!!!!" - and then the hipster host, who skips down the list to pick out new people, was like, "T-Rex, is there a T-Rex in the house?", and it turned out to be one of the extreme sports girls who had already sung twice but then did the most jack ass-y thing you can ever do at karaoke in the world, put a song in under another name than the one you've been using, and her song was so bad I chugged my beer and made my friends leave, even though I had "Weekend in New England" in... The moment had passed, it was time to leave.

On the way out, we passed the frat boy who sang "Cecilia" and his girlfriend talking upstairs, holding each others's hands and looking into each others's eyes.