Joking with Africans.

The other week I was in the store shopping, and there was this well-dressed (West African) couple picking up some groceries after church.

I had to pass them, and the wife stepped out of my way in the aisle, being like "Excuse me," and as soon as I got my eggs, I turned to get some other stuff, and it turns out that we were in each other's way again as we were reaching for vegetables!

"Do you want to dance?", I was like, enunciating my words slowly in case their English wasn't that good. "But your husband is right here!"

At that, she laughed, and the guy really laughed, and as I walked by he patted my arm and was like, "Good one."

One of my favorite things about West Africans is their genuine appreciation for easy-going situational humor.

Wisconsinites - They can really annoy me.

The other weekend I was drinking with my one Czech literature friend and her friend on a bar patio downtown, and all these UW people were walking by after a local football game.

First, we joked a lot, since I guess the Wisconsin cheer is "Go Badg!" (=badgers), which my friend heard as "Go vag!".

Second, I was joking that I should just chant "RE-CALL WALK-ER!" as everyone passed by to see how many people supported it, though I got talked out of it because many of the people were extremely big and tough-looking and very very drunk.

But, these two (early 50s) (Wisconsin) couples sat down on the patio for food and a beer, and we started talking to them, and when the one couple said they were from Madison, I was like, "Oh, what do you think of how the train line isn't going to get extended anymore?" (= Walker didn't accept federal funding).

"Well, it's controversial," the one (white) guy said, and just clammed up.

Bitch. I know he was a Walker supporter.

Going off the wagon.

So my one (former - I'll get to that) friend who hooks was telling me how his sexual behavior was "phasic".

In late high school, he was kind of crazy, then he settled down in early college and even dated a bit, then in late college he was crazy again, then there was a period of like a year where he was "anally celibate".

Then, out of the blue one day, he texted me what I thought of gangbangs.

(I can't remember what I said, probably, "They're great, as long as you invite me.")

Later, I talked to him and it turns out that he had been talking with a guy through the net for like ever, and then finally the guy told him about a suburban jock gangbang that was happening in this hotel room everyone had rented out.

So, he drove to the suburbs, and there was a bunch of (white) jock guys in their early to late 20s, and, as he put it, "I got fucked and fucked and fucked and fucked, and then when I got tired I fucked some, and then I got fucked some more."

He said he and 2 other guys ended up spending the night in the hotel room, and he slept between them, and then they woke up and fucked some more.

"Because you just couldn't get enough of being used by two guys at once," I was like.

Then, he told me that actually that morning he wasn't, the one (white) jock was super alpha and fucked him and dropped his load in his mouth while the other guy just stood off to the side and watched and had to wait his turn.

3 downtown bars (3 of 3): Italian restaurant.

After that bar, I went around the corner to an Italian restaurant, part of which was a caboose set into a building.

I walk in, and there's 2 (young) (white) guys standing near the front talking seriously and both have their wallets out, and there's these 2 very thin and beautiful (female) bartenders behind the bar, and this chunky (Asian-American) guy in a baseball cap and business clothes at the bar, and these two (white) guys in the same in a corner table.

Otherwise, the place is dead.

When the 1 (female) bartender went to go get something, the other one just held her hands over her head and started doing a very slow, very slinky dance, which made me realize that was probably a good way to kill time, tips-wise.

Later, she danced out from behind the bar and rubbed up against the (Asian American) guy, who just got a big ol' smile on his face.

Later, I went to meet my friends. I couldn't believe I was downtown, near places where normal people go.

3 downtown bars (2 of 3): Bar/Liquor Store.

The next bar I went to was this bar that's a combo liquor store as well.

It had a bunch of hard-bitten local (white) women smoking outfront, and they were dressed up, not like excecutives, but more like office managers and stuff.

Inside, there were more women like that, some business men, one knock-out (half white, half Asian) woman with a big ol' purse, and this big-shouldered (young) (Polish) bartender in a aquamarine tanktop.

In the back, there was one cooler with Miller six-packs, too.

After I sat down and got a drink, I heard the (fat) (white) businessman next to me drunkenly talk to the (half white, half Asian) woman, and he made some very loud joke about selling himself, and he went to pull open his shirt to show his sweaty chest and straggly chest hair.

She smiled but her eyes didn't seem amused, and I realized all of a sudden that she must be an escort.

Later, I went to take a piss - though the bar was very very small and you weren't more than 20 feet from the door, there was a sign in the bathroom "GO OUTSIDE TO SMOKE" - and when I returned back, I noticed that when I was seated, I couldn't see behind her purse this big ol' cup of Dunkin' Donuts coffee on the bar next to her wineglass.

She *was* an escort, and she was getting ready for a long night.

3 downtown bars (1 of 3): Pizzeria.

These are some memorable bars from a while ago:

There's this pizzeria downtown right by a subway track, and outside there's this lovely sign from the 1950s, and inside there's tons of little tables, and a bar tucked away in back.

So, one very hot (summer) evening before meeting friends, I pop in for a drink.

It's very nice, with tons of black-and-white photos of local celebrities on the walls.

"How you doing?", this one (chunky) (heavily done up) (Puerto Rican?) waitress (in her late 30s) asks me as I come.

"Man, it's hot out there," I was like.

"I know!", she said. "My eyebrows melted off out there, I had to re-do them!"

Running into people everywhere.

The other week the subway is stalled out on the platform with the doors open, and this (white) woman from the corner of the car starts getting impatient, and she gets up from her seat and starts pacing, and she looks vaguely familiar...

She also has clothing that's brightly colored and slightly mismatched, which makes her look mentally ill.

After a minute of her frantic pacing, she goes to the door and yells out to the platform, "HEY, WE GONNA GET THIS SHOW ON THE ROAD AND GET MOVING OR WHAT?" -

And as soon as she does that, I recognize her as that one bartender from the bar with the plywood sign, the one who doesn't serve drinks to (black) people.