So there's this one smiley, cool undergrad girl at the card swipe-desk at the gym entrance who I've been friends with for a while since she's talkative and I'm talkative and I've liked her ever since the day there was this older woman bitching at her for like ten minutes and holding up like twenty people behind her and, when I got up to the desk and asked her what was the deal with the woman who was bitching, she was like, all smiley, "Oh, I don't know, I wasn't listening, they don't pay me enough to care."
Anyhow, yesterday was the first time I ran into her since Thanksgiving, so I asked her about hers and she asked me about mine, and when I mentioned I went to a local cafeteria with a friend from the holiday meal, the other girl at the card swipe-desk, a pretty girl except for a slightly large nose, was like, "Did you know the owners are Greek?", and when I said no, she was like, "That always makes everything better."
Anyhow, when I was on the way out, the girl I knew well was gone, but the other girl was there and so when we said bye, I introduced myself and asked her name, and she was like, "Artemis," and I was like, "Oh, just like Artemis of Ephesus!" When she said she didn't know who that was, I explained to her that she was the manifestation of the Greek goddess Artemis at this huge temple in Ephesus that was one of the seven wonders of the ancient world, and that since she had been syncretized with this weird Anatolian fertility goddess she had just rows and rows of breasts, like over 300 of them. When Artemis didn't say much, I was like, "Some scholars say that they're actually necklaces of bull testicles since they bulls were often slaughtered in her honor, but that's a minority scholarly position, most scholars think they're breasts." At that point the kid next to her, this unshaven squatty jock guy with greasy black hair who looks half-Mexican and had been listening the entire time kind of looked over, so I just went on and was like, "She's in the Bible," and then I explained how in Acts Paul is said to have drawn people away from her cult when he was in Ephesus. After that, though, Artemis was still looking dazed, so I said goodbye and took my leave.
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5 comments:
Like I've always said, people have no fucking idea what's in the Bible. If they actually got around to reading it, they would be shocked.
way to further a friendship!
I like how I was able to vaguely justify talking about that shit by saying it was in the Bible. What I wonder is what the squatty-looking jock guy thought. He had his eyebrows raised, so I think he was thinking two things, "Who the fuck is this guy?", and, "How is he getting away talking about this weird shit?"
In any case, I recognized the dazed look on the girl's face, because it was the look I know I had on me when my barber that time was talking about my father going down on women and having remembrances stuck in his moustache.
That's pretty funny. I don't think I've seen you shocked too often.
I know, I'm not! I'm always the person putting people in awkward situations by saying unexpected obscene thing after unexpected obscene thing while they just sit there dazed.
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