…at the one (Thai) restaurant where I work now:
1) My new recurring schtick when I bring out a small to-go box and people see it and they say they’re not sure if all of their noodles will fit in there, I first of all say that they should try because it will probably work because it has depth, but then I add that if it doesn’t, they should just nibble around the edges, and as I say that, I lift up my hands and mimic cleaning up stray noodles that hang over the side of the to-go box, like you’re an efficient mechanical type writer racing to the end of a line.
2) A (jacked-up) (low-voiced) (macho) (goateed) (white) guy back visiting the area turns out to be my one (young) (tall) (Latino-American) coworker’s fifth grade after-school activity instructor, and the guy recognizes him and they catch up all excitedly since I guess this was a legendary school personage, and as they go to say bye, I ask him if he has any embarrassing fifth grade stories about my coworker, and the guy says no, he was a cool kid, and he actually reminded him a lot of himself at that age.
And then, right after he leaves, my one (young) (tall) (Latino-American) coworker says that he has one, that once they were sitting down in a line like they always did at that part of the day and he asked to go to the bathroom multiple times and they wouldn’t let him since that was the rule for that time of day, and he asked and asked to go to the bathroom, but they wouldn't let him, and he ended up peeing his pants.
“If someone doesn’t tell an embarrassing story about you,” I was like, “Usually people don’t go and then volunteer one of their own.”
3) During a very busy shift when my one (Guatemalan) coworker who sometimes tries to f*ck with me observes hay muchos clientes, senor (“there are a lot of customers, Sir!”), I’m like, Gracias por esta informacion importante (“thanks for that important information”), and he doesn’t know what to say at first, but my one (newer) (female) (Guatemalan) coworker overhears what I said and immediately bursts out laughing, at which he looks at me like I got him and is like, aaaaiiiiii.
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