The
discussion with the one submissive (white) guy who I know from the movie series
went very well.
Among
other quotes and topics:
- “BDSM
doesn’t lead to abuse,” he was like.
“BDSM leads to carpentry.”
- Abusive
and codependant relationships can be harder to discern in BDSM, since they can
be hidden among the regular hurt and slave dynamics.
- Only
15-30% of scenes on a given night at the main pansexual dungeon in the city
actually include penetrative sex.
-
“Littles” do not always end their scenes with someone who’s a daddy coming up
and fucking them.
“To
clarify, so they can just show up at a dungeon, color for 2 hours, and go
home?”, I was like, raising my hand and stepping into the conversation.
“Yeah,
pretty much,” he was like. “Though I
hope they’re not coloring for two hours!”
“Unless
their daddy tells them too,” I was like, and began to improvise voices.
“I said color, damn it!”, I said in a
low, gruff voice.
“Daddy daddy, nooo!”, I immediately said in a
high, little girly voice.
“No, goddamnit, keep coloring, I said, keep
coloring!”
“Oh
daddy, I’m tired!”
“COLOR!”
Then I
broke off my routine, laughing and snorting, and all my students laughed too.
- There
are 2 male pro-doms (professional dominatrixes) in the city, but 23 female
ones.
“I think
that’s where all the submissive men are,” my special guest was like. “You’re taught to keep your desires in a box,
and so their clients compartmentalize their life and have a place for that and
a place for their normal life, and never seek to integrate the two.”
- When
asked about safety, he was like, “This is dangerous, sometimes an arm gets
broken.”
Then, he
added, “But, just like in relationships, you don’t know who someone really is
when everything’s going great, you know who they are when you see how they
react when they fuck up big time.”
- At one
point, he added that he is engaged with a woman, but identifies as bisexual,
and when he first got into BDSM, it was through the internet, and he played
mostly with men, since if you wrote 15 dominant women and 15 dominant leather
daddy gay men, 0 women would respond, but you’d have 15 emails waiting from you
from dominant leather daddy gay men.
“The
best way to get started is really just to suck it up, get over your fears, and
start to meet people, since it’s all about networking,” he was like. “It’s like with jobs, most jobs are already
filled before they’re posted. If people
know you and know what you’re into, they’ll tell someone else and then you’re
there.”
- When I
asked about what types of play are controversial or forbidden in dungeons, he
was like, “Vomit.”
“Because
of disease?”, I was like.
“Because
it smells,” he was like.
He then
added if you’re having a dungeon set up in a hotel ballroom, you can also piss
the hotel off too, if you have vomitplay going on.
He also
added that scatplay was controversial, because it was an easy way to spread
disease, and I also asked about breathplay.
“Oh
yeah,” he was like, and then there was a pause in the classroom.
“What’s
breathplay?”, one of my students asked, voicing a question that was on a lot of
people’s minds, apparently.
“Choking,”
he was like. “Especially restricting the
esophagus around the adam’s apple so you can completely cut off airflow.”
He also
added that some people weren’t necessarily getting off on those, but rather got
off on things that were shocking or disgusting to other people, “And that can be
a dangerous mindset,” he was like. “Some
people get into wasabi nasal fisting just because it’s there.”
“Whoa,”
my one student who’s into fashion design was like. “Is that a thing?”
“No,” he
was like, “That’s just my standard joke for the most outlandish ridiculous
thing someone could get into,” and at that everyone laughed nervously, and we
gave him a round of applause because time was up, and then he gave a quick bit
of info about the next meeting for young people interested in BDSM, in case
anyone was truly curious and wanted to explore.
. . .
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